The Middle Kingdom

I feel like I'm in between right now.

In between what, and what? It is not clear to me. Here's what is going on:

Work:
I recently changed work schedules for an experiment at work. My supervisor wanted to try having another early AM nurse to see if we could have more patients ready for their procedures earlier. The goal is to allow the doctors to get started earlier. So maybe they can finish their days earlier and stop having to pay so much overtime and late-hour differentials to the lab staff.

Aside: Why the labs' overtime is our responsibility, I don't know. Why do we have to adjust our work because they can't get through their schedules efficiently? Nevertheless, our manager has decided that we should make an impact.

For the past 2 weeks, I have been working four 10-hour shifts, 6:00a to 4:30p. Now, halfway thorough the experiment, I am not sure if I like it. I do like getting out of work when it is still daylight. I think I will like the increased money in each paycheck (working 40 hours instead of 36, and any overtime is *real* overtime). I like feeling that I'm making a difference in the success of my unit. I like the idea that I could have my evenings free, such that I get things done after work - I'm not so wiped out at the end of the day that I sit comatose in front of the TV until I go to bed. I like eating dinner at a normal time.

I don't like getting up so early. I miss my yoga in the mornings. I don't like having to do 12 hours of work in 10 hours time. I don't like getting a majority of admissions in my assignments (admitting patients takes more work). I don't like being looked upon as a slacker for leaving "early." I don't like working 4 days a week.

I don't like the pressure to adopt this schedule permanently. Technically I haven't been asked to do so, yet, though.

My husband likes seeing me more often.

I wonder if it's time for a new job?

Church:

Again, it is Sunday, and again, I don't want to go to church. I also don't want to sing with the Praise Team any more. Why?

1. Praise Team is boring. We sing the same old music over and over again. This is because we can't learn new music. Why? I think it is because our members can't read music, they don't seem to have an interest in learning something new, and because the director is a busy person who doesn't have the time or energy to push us to do something different or better.
2. Praise team members love to chit chat about their kids in school. Several of the members are teachers, and all (but one) of them have school-age kids. I don't have kids. I don't work in the schools. I feel left out.
3. The preaching is rather dull right now. Our pastor is retiring soon and I think he's running out of steam. I'm tired of sermons on Abraham and Sarah. Or Isaac. C'mon. Make me think.
4. I don't have a support group in church. It takes about 4 weeks of absences for someone to notice I'm not there. Now.... I can't put too much importance in this excuse, since to expect that of my church is to overestimate my significance there. I don't join small groups, so I don't have anyone to miss me. As I've said before, I go to church for me, not because they want me there. This side effect is entirely my own doing.
5. I'm feeling like I don't have enough time to myself with the increase in work hours and my recent commitments in the Wind Symphony. I want those 2-3 hours for me. Like, right now...I'm posting during church time.

Personally, I think it's OK to be away for a while. I really wish I could be devoted all the time. It just isn't that way with me. No need to feel all guilty about it.

Heh. Apparently I am feeling guilty. I'm confessing it right now, aren't I?

Hobbies / Sewing:

I thought up a brand name for my "company." I am trying to make some inventory. I hope to launch in the near future. Maybe for my birthday!

I have decided again that this VP job (in the quilt guild) is not for me. I cannot do it for another year. It's too stressful for me.

What I want to do:

All I want to do is follow my creative pursuits - sewing, knitting, learning Japanese, clarinet, cooking (mmm, I made some delicious Chinese stir fry bean thread noodles with veggies last night).

I am in between the tension of what I have to do, what I should do, what I want to do, and the larger goals I have for my life.

It was for love...

Per my previous post, my friend did move to Madison for love. That's terrific. Unfortunately the relationship ended, so he's single again. Sounds like it was worth it, though.

I am glad I made that connection with him. I looked on the map. Madison is not too far from Kansas City- theoretically the trip could be made by car. It's even easier by plane. Maybe we'll see him sometime soon.

A connection...

For some odd reason I looked for an old work colleague on Linked In. I don't have much activity on Linked In, and generally I'm not that keen on making reconnections with people. It seems a bit overly sentimental.

He accepted my connection. I feel weird about having done that, although I am curious about what he is doing. He moved from Rochester, NY to Madison WI - I never thought he'd move from upstate NY. Apparently this was for work, but maybe it was for love. I hope he is doing well, though. He is "good people."

What might have made me think of him is my fascination with the TV show "The Big Bang Theory." He was a lot like the character Leonard, and his friends were like the other characters on the show. Brilliant, socially awkward, kind hearted, a little silly and immature. That show cracks me up, it's a scream.

Mid month status

I contacted the quilter about getting my simple tribute top quilted. She asked if I *had* to have it by Christmas, as her schedule was filling up. Ouch. So much for placing it the guild quilt show in October...

I can wait; it can go in next year's quilt show.

I started making a few more scrub caps for my friends and the idea of an Etsy business has come to mind again. I spent some more time reading about how to set up an Etsy storefront. I haven't thought of a clever name yet, but I am collecting ideas as they come to me. Additionally, I'm thinking about original designs and techniques. I currently have my own patterns, modifications of purchased patterns. I hope that's not copyright infringement.

I mean, how many ways can you make a scrub cap?

I have some unique style ideas, involving applique, piecing and printing. I need to follow though and create some inventory. The buzz for the heart walk 2010 is starting again, and people are looking to me to lead and do the scrub cap fundraiser again. Heck, it could be a good start to my business.

Work Issues

The new hire in the cath lab started and I get to smile and be all friendly to her. Actually she seems nice; she certainly didn't do anything to me. I have no reason to be mad at her. Still, it reminds me that I was rejected. Eh.

I have not had any urge to work in critical care, and therefore qualify for such a position. I think I'll sit tight for now.

Now, I am involved in a staffing experiment on my unit. I agreed to work 4 10-hour shifts starting at 6:00am. This schedule starts tomorrow. When I agreed to do this, I didn't think too much about it, but now that it is imminent, I am having regrets. This gives me only one day per week to myself, and I'm not happy about that. I frequently have to give that day to work, anyway, for training, such is the case this week. I have to work 5 days in a row.

Yeah, I know, that's what most people have, but I am not used to it. And, I'll be working overtime. I don't like it.

The "training" I get to do is yet another test, in which I have to prove I can do all the skills I do every day. I do not like being tested so much. At least after 3 years in nursing I am getting numb to the testing. Everything is a goddamn test.

I just have to get through this week. Things will be better later. This staffing experiment only lasts 4 weeks.

Simple Tribute

Here are two pictures of Simple Tribute. This is the best photography I could do in limited time and space. The pattern is from American Patchwork and Quilting magazine. I forget which issue - I'm thinking around 2003, when 9-11 was so fresh in the nations memory and the war was new. You can find the pattern at AllPeopleQuilt.com.

Quilt Top

Block Detail

It's a basic 13-piece Log Cabin pattern with a gold center (instead of the traditional red), with one half whites, the other half a selection of reds and blues. This is a queen size quilt, the largest I've ever made. I wanted it to be scrappy, hence the variety of fabrics used. Originally, I thought the light section should be more beige, but as I was making the blocks, I thought the whites looked so much nicer and crisper. This choice had the unintentional consequence of making the quilt turn out "whiter" overall than I anticipated. I still like it a lot. I just had a different expectation.

I can't believe it's done. I think I have been working on it for nearly 2 years.

Labor Day

Today I labored on my "Simple Tribute" project. It has sat in a box for several months; I was afraid to work on it because of the perceived stress I would feel. I had put all the rows together, and when I attempted to place my first sashing strip, it didn't match up at all. The strip includes corner squares at the join points and some of the sashing strips have points to make an 8-point star and these intersections.

I tore out my first sashing strip and put the project aside for a while. It took *that much* emotional energy. All that work, and the pieces didn't fit together!

Now, months later, I decided to take another look. I took a different approach: a technique like setting in a sleeve on a shirt by starting at the middle and fixing specific points (in this case the sashing intersect points), instead of lining up one end and hoping it would all fit into place. With a little ease here, a slight stretch there, it worked. I am so pleased.

I have completed the piecing part of the top! All 80 blocks and the sashing. I've got two borders on now. If I get the last two borders on, the top will be....*gasp*... done.

Should I even hope it could be ready for the guild quilt show?

September Guild Meeting

Guild meets on the first Tuesday of the month, which was yesterday.

This month we had another national speaker, Sue Nickels, along with a workshop. She was a very professional speaker and gave a delightful talk on her collaborative process with her sister, Pat Holly. I also took the workshop, learning her precise technique for machine applique. It was fun, and it gave me an excuse for buying a new foot for my sewing machine. Sue Nickels is a skilled teacher. She has a good set up for learning and demonstrating and she explains techniques clearly.

For me, it was a long day. I had to pack up the car with my supplies for the meeting. I picked up Ms. Nickels and her stuff at the hotel, I had to g buy lunch for her between meeting and workshop, I coordinated the workshop (and was expected to know everything about table set up, lighting, extension cords, supplies etc.). I made sure the room was cleaned up after the conclusion of the workshop, and I did a lot of the clean up. I packed up the car again and drove her back to the hotel. I organized dinner and went out to dinner with her (and another guild member), then dropped her off at the hotel again.

At least I didn't have to get her to and from the airport. Thank goodness we have a committee! Whew! It was a full 12 hour day!

Yes, it was fun, and I'm getting more relaxed about the meetings I am involved in running. (Usually I am anxious and stressed about the meeting, worrying that everything is running alright.) I enjoyed getting to know Sue a little more personally; this is one of the perqs of being on the program committee. I ate too much at dinner, but boy was it good - we went to The Elephant Bar.

(They have these new "mini" desserts for only $2.95. They are anything but "mini" in size. I had the red velvet cupcake with ice cream. Yum-o.)

Now, if I can only get a project completed for guild!

I was mortified to see one of my fellow guild members had actually completed an Aunt Millie's Garden quilt! That is the pattern I am laboring so slowly over! Oh I am humbled, I tell you. At least that other guild member chose a different background than I am using, and by the time I get mine finished, everyone will have forgotten that my project is a repeat.

I still love this hobby.