I have mentioned before that I feel it is time for a change in my career. An opportunity presented itself this morning, thanks to a friend from Durham. Duke is starting a masters program for health care informatics. This friend also sent me a notice for an internship in a branch of informatics at Mayo Clinic research. I will investigate both.
Fortunately, the internship is 3 to 6 months. So I could time it in the summer and avoid a Minnesota winter. You know how I feel about dark, cold, and snow.
We shall see.
As I have also mentioned in an earlier post, I have been reading Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. Thoroughly enjoyed it. A few things are resonating with me: first, I completely related to her thoughts on reproducing. To the author, thank you for expressing what many of your sisters have been unable to put into words. Second, the author spends hours a day in silent meditation. This has inspired me to give it a try. More on that in a minute. And third, the following quote has enthralled me:
God dwells within you, as you.
The author accredits this to her guru and Swamiji, her guru's guru. What this says to me is I am inherently good, and the way I am is a manifestation of God. Indeed all people try to to be someone else and our egos interfere with who we are, but rest assured that we can trust our true natures are good, valid, productive, and (to some extent) holy.
I find this reassuring and empowering.
Back to the topic of meditation. Of course I have heard of meditation, and I've tried it from time to time. I never considered it something I needed to do. Maybe it is time for that now. I am having trouble focusing my concentration and maybe it will help. I talk to God regularly, and that's good, but I would like to listen better. God is probably whispering all kinds of wisdom to me, I just don't listen well. God may even whisper answers to my petitions, yet I think they go unanswered, since answers are not shouted at me.
Moreover, my job encourages my brain to jump from one thing to the next, prioritize, do, and move on. Now, I don't concentrate as deeply or as focused as I did when I was programming computers years ago. I want to retain that skill - I find that lacking focus and concentration is hindering my progress in musicianship. I cannot memorize passages as easily as I did when younger; therefore, I must read the music precisely as I play. But I have trouble focusing! I wish to improve this.
I gave meditation a try this morning. I hoped I could last 5 minutes. I was pleasantly surprised to see I could sit (relatively) still for a whole 12 minutes. It was not a perfect meditation, as I watched thoughts come and go, gently redirecting my focus onto two mantras: "Hahm sah," as Elizabeth used in her mediations (meaning "I am That"), and then "Be still," taken from the Bible "Be still and know that I am God." (Psalm 46, verse 10).
It was relaxing. We'll see if I keep it up. I strive to do a lot during a day and making time for meditation will be a challenge.
Again, we shall see.
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