On this blog...

I recently posted a link to my blog on a contest (to made over the blog). In early December, I told a few people about my blog, including the address. I am slowly going public with this thing.

It makes me feel insecure. I have posted my deep and intimate feelings on occasion over the years, mainly because I needed to get them out somewhere. I do prefer typing to writing, even though I value the handwritten word. This blog has been a part of my therapy.

By posting the link, I become a more public figure. OK, I'm still somewhat anonymous. However, a blog is fairly important to an online presence, for those that are established in the net-world. I am trying to do this with my little shop, so it stands to reason I should link my blog to my shop and use both to advertise, market and build customer base.

I am conflicted, though. I like my blog as relatively private and anonymous, and I like the ability to talk about all aspects of my life. I am the common thread. If I want to use it as a marketing tool, I should focus on my creative endeavors. I mean, when Julie wrote her blog about cooking Julia Child's recipes, she didn't weigh it down with mundanities of her job or her non-cooking pursuits. That way, she kept her readership. Makes sense.

The logical solution is to make a new blog with a focus, expressly for marketing.

Oy. I don't want another blog! Like I said, it's hard enough to post to this on a semi-regular basis. I don't think I have that much to say! Serious bloggers post every day. Serious marketers tweet every hour.

I can't deal with that kind of commitment!!

Additionally, I have grown my own personal identity as "The Thoughtful Quilter." It's about me, all of me, everything in my life. It shifts focus as I do. It gives me pause to think of splitting off part of that identity to another blog.

Eh, think on it some more.

Fierce and Sincere

Sometimes I really like words. Last night as I came home from work, I listened to This American Life on my iPod. "Long Shots" was the theme for this story. At one point, the narrator described his argument with his girlfriend, which escalated as she disagreed with his goal of fixing up his father's dilapidated house. His argument became "fierce and sincere," he said.

Extremely descriptive and specific.

What is on my mind these days? A few things...

Work

We are short staffed - due to retirement, reduced work schedule or one nurse (she went to "PRN" - call in only), and vacations. I am not getting the schedule I prefer, and next month, three of my four weeks are scheduled with 3 days in a row (12 hour shifts). I don't like doing 3 in a row, primarily because it is very tiring, and by the end of the third day, I'm becoming pretty stupid. Caffeine helps me get through it. Yesterday, was the end of such a stint. I'm wiped out.

Another thing I dislike about the three in a row is that I get really behind on chores at home. Husband doesn't mind the entire sink filled with dishes, for example. I just let it go, because something needs to give, and it isn't going to be my sleep, or my yoga, or my one hour of down time in the evenings. Nevertheless, the mess stresses me.

As for next month, at least I got all of the Tuesdays off. Tuesdays are my personal days for guild, bee, appointments, etc. I treasure them.

Today, I've resolved to cease complaining about the schedule. I will suck it up and do it - the people doing the schedule are not being careless or inconsiderate. There simply is not a lot of choice when staffing is low. We must have enough nurses to run the unit.

Sewing

I've sold a few hats at work again, but no movement on the web shop. I need to post more product. I need to work on a marketing plan and realize this plan. I need to work on pattern development.

I got my round robin done for guild next Tuesday and I am pleased with the results. I really pulled some tricks to get an entire border out of the fabric that remained with the project. I did some embellishment piecing at the corners, with solid fabric for the majority of the border.

Music and Scrapbooking

Scrapbooking has been put down for a while. My Wind Ensemble has a concert on Sunday, and the music is quite challenging. I've been focusing much time on practice; however, it is not doing a whole heck of a lot of good. My old brain is not retaining. My old brain can't concentrate as deeply as it used to. My old fingers are slow.

I foolishly volunteered to make a scrapbook for one of our nurses who is retiring at the end of February. I convinced another nurse to take pictures for it, then I will do the cropping, printing and putting it together. I think I'll just follow a formula from my scrapbooking book; it will be easier to put together.

Foolish, yes. But also kind.

Today, despite my fatigue, I must do some chores and shopping.

Proofreading has not been my strongest subject

My previous post discussed meditation. While I was writing it, I made the mistake of typing "medication" instead of "meditation." Curious mistake, don't you think? One of those typos made it to my post! How embarrassing...

I just fixed it, thank goodness.

In my defense, I'm a nurse. I write about medications a lot more than I write about meditation!

Becoming...

I am getting the sense that 2010 is going to be a transformative year for me. (Note to future self - has this come to pass?)

I have mentioned before that I feel it is time for a change in my career. An opportunity presented itself this morning, thanks to a friend from Durham. Duke is starting a masters program for health care informatics. This friend also sent me a notice for an internship in a branch of informatics at Mayo Clinic research. I will investigate both.

Fortunately, the internship is 3 to 6 months. So I could time it in the summer and avoid a Minnesota winter. You know how I feel about dark, cold, and snow.

We shall see.

As I have also mentioned in an earlier post, I have been reading Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. Thoroughly enjoyed it. A few things are resonating with me: first, I completely related to her thoughts on reproducing. To the author, thank you for expressing what many of your sisters have been unable to put into words. Second, the author spends hours a day in silent meditation. This has inspired me to give it a try. More on that in a minute. And third, the following quote has enthralled me:

God dwells within you, as you.

The author accredits this to her guru and Swamiji, her guru's guru. What this says to me is I am inherently good, and the way I am is a manifestation of God. Indeed all people try to to be someone else and our egos interfere with who we are, but rest assured that we can trust our true natures are good, valid, productive, and (to some extent) holy.

I find this reassuring and empowering.

Back to the topic of meditation. Of course I have heard of meditation, and I've tried it from time to time. I never considered it something I needed to do. Maybe it is time for that now. I am having trouble focusing my concentration and maybe it will help. I talk to God regularly, and that's good, but I would like to listen better. God is probably whispering all kinds of wisdom to me, I just don't listen well. God may even whisper answers to my petitions, yet I think they go unanswered, since answers are not shouted at me.

Moreover, my job encourages my brain to jump from one thing to the next, prioritize, do, and move on. Now, I don't concentrate as deeply or as focused as I did when I was programming computers years ago. I want to retain that skill - I find that lacking focus and concentration is hindering my progress in musicianship. I cannot memorize passages as easily as I did when younger; therefore, I must read the music precisely as I play. But I have trouble focusing! I wish to improve this.

I gave meditation a try this morning. I hoped I could last 5 minutes. I was pleasantly surprised to see I could sit (relatively) still for a whole 12 minutes. It was not a perfect meditation, as I watched thoughts come and go, gently redirecting my focus onto two mantras: "Hahm sah," as Elizabeth used in her mediations (meaning "I am That"), and then "Be still," taken from the Bible "Be still and know that I am God." (Psalm 46, verse 10).

It was relaxing. We'll see if I keep it up. I strive to do a lot during a day and making time for meditation will be a challenge.

Again, we shall see.

Quilting Progress

Yesterday I took my first queen size quilt to the quilter. I would love to quilt it myself, but it's too big for the machine and I'm not inclined to do it by hand. It should be done by the end of February. So exciting....my first project for myself!

No new projects in the works. My current project is called "Cherries Jubilee." It is a panel from a fabric line that was offered as a kit at a local quilt shop. I picked up this wall hanging kit at the quilt guild's annual garage sale. I am enjoying practicing my free motion quilting. The design is a little bit "country" for me, but I liked the colors: deep reds, black, tan/beige. I had started it over a year ago then put it down for a while. Now, I'm in the mood to do machine quilting, so I picked it back up again.

The next guild meeting is one of my favorites. We work on our charity quilts for a day. Such fun. Against my better judgement I volunteered to lead a group in machine quilting. I am planning to discuss and encourage people to do machine quilting using straight lines. Grids, parallel lines, Stitch in the Ditch, simple shapes. I would like to prepare what I'll say, and show examples. Some day, I'd like to give talks at quilt guilds and maybe develop some simple seminars for my guild. Here's a chance to develop something and see if I enjoy it.

No new sales on Etsy. I need to focus on it again....however, I have been working on support tasks. I made a stack of new business cards.

This is a cool weekend because from yesterday to the next 7 days, I am scheduled to work only 1 day. Maybe, just maybe, I'll get stuff done. I have an impressive to do list.

Embracing Winter

At least I'm trying to embrace winter. It is difficult, especially when it is -1 degree when you wake up in the morning. On the positive side, I am blessed to have a warm house to come home to and stay.

I have a whole day to myself! What *shall* I do??? So much possibility...

A Sighting

I live in suburbia, and while there is greenspace around, we don't really have wilderness nearby. So imagine my surprise when I saw a red fox running down the street in daylight, just this morning!!! Winnie, our hound dog, spied something out the window and made an uncharacteristic low menacing growl. She exploded into high pitched howls, moments later. I looked out front, and there it was, loping down the road, against a backdrop of new snow. It was not subtle.

I am a little superstitious, I guess. I wonder if there's meaning in this encounter?

All of life's questions are answered on the Internet. Here is what I found about a fox sighting:

Fox comes to us when we need to slip out of a situation so we can be silent witness to what is really taking place behind the scenes. We need to use our cleverness to our advantage, but we must remember to be discreet. Fox asks us to carefully look at where we are coming from, so we can remember to approach things with a clear conscious.

from www.animaltotem.com

Indeed they write these things to be generic and broadly applicable. However, it has relevance to this time in my career. Is it time to slip out? Must I be clever and discreet? I wish it was more clear.

I will work on quilting, do some chores and maybe start to put together my Yudu. It is time to learn how to use my new screen printer.

That last post

...was not really reflective of my state of mind. Whimsy is a bit low on the priority scale right now. But, how often is the date a binary number? I just had to make that post.

Reading

I am currently reading Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert on the Kindle. I am completely devouring it. Her writing style is blog-like, and I find it easy to read. I am drawn to self-discovery type books. In some ways, I feel like I'm reading her letters to a close friend or her travel journal. So, to me, it doesn't feel like "real" reading.

Reading this book doesn't hurt. Hm; now, that's a thought.

Professional

My career is in a strange place. At night, I am having dreams in which I'm trying to get somewhere but I am halted at every turn. Either I take a wrong turn, or the way I think I need to go is actually the road to someplace else, or it's a dead end, or suddenly there's another task I need to do and my progress is delayed.

My husband says this type of dream occurs when one is "stuck." I suppose it is my career... I don't feel particularly stuck in other aspects of life. While I feel like I need a new challenge, I am comfortable where I am and I don't really want the awkwardness of a new work environment. I would rather not expend my energy stressing about a new job.

Sometimes I do feel like I need to get that guerilla nursing experience that the true leaders always seem to have (if they don't have it, then they aren't as respected). People are all impressed if you've worked in emergency, the operating room, or intensive care. It makes you a "tough" nurse (hm. these venues require/encourage male qualities...interesting, no?). Though, none of these venues are calling to me.

Interestingly, I look at a local clinical software company periodically. I do a Career Builder search for "nurse" and "software" every once in a while.

Horrifying, isn't it? Going back to software after all this time - could I?

Well, no resolution yet. And, I'm so close to the next level of my vesting in retirement, that I'm not going anywhere for at least 3 months or so.

Arts

Creatively, I am bursting with creativity. I made several of my Christmas gifts this year and totally enjoyed doing it. Now, I'm working on a free motion machine quilting project that I haven't picked up for months. I have a few new hats in progress. I'm scrapbooking again. I'm working on some minor home dec projects.

The creativity bubbles forth. I will enjoy it while it lasts!!

"E" Day

Get it? Huh? Today is 1/1/10.

Or 1110.

Hexadecimal E.

14.

Geez, whatta geek.