My first Mother's Day without Mom

Christmas didn't do it, birthdays didn't do it, but Mother's Day did. It has not been easy the last few weeks. It's bothering me that Mom is gone and the world is going on as if everything is just fine.

Everyone at work has forgotten, and they all compare notes about what they're doing for Mother's day. Sure, they don't mean harm. I just wish they wouldn't go on so much.

Mother's day is fine. It's a good thing, overall, and why not have an occasion to show appreciation for someone whose role in everyone's life is generally overlooked. I don't know what the right response is, though. It seems like it is one of our society's ways of glorifying and denigrating a subset of people. We fabricate a "special" day or month for them because they're so important in our lives. Think: Mother's Day, Father's Day, Black History Month, Nurse's Day, Labor Day, etc. Why not make white man day? or banking executive week? It's obvious - they don't need any gesture of appreciation or power. Our society rewards them well enough every day.

But, I digress.

Lately, I have enjoyed working on Mom's unfinished cross stitch projects. The work has been comforting. I have assumed possession of many of her sewing and craft items. I have more embroidery/cross stitch floss than I could use in a lifetime. But just having this stuff is also comforting - I don't want some stranger working on these things. It seems really sad to me to have it end up in a landfill.

I have made some progress trying to build my own tribe. I went to a second happy hour of KC's No Kidding group and enjoyed it again. This group might be a good thing for me.

A Cross Post: Life Taking an Expected Turn

This was also posted on my other blog, Rikrax.blogspot.com. I think I'll keep the topic here. Rikrax is much more lighthearted. Here, I can be as manic as I care to be.


My father, a widower less than a year, has deteriorating health. He has some neurological dysfunction and I am steeling myself for a disappointing diagnosis. The fact is we don't have a clear diagnosis, and this is common for neurological problems ("Parkinsonian symptoms and possibly early dementia"). There is another test to be done and this tests may show that a (relatively) simple surgery can help his situation, maybe even reverse some of the symptoms! On the other hand, the test may show that surgery would not help; or, it would only help some with certain symptoms but not all. In those cases, we will have to get through one day at a time.

My Dad lives in Virginia. There is no family nearby. His neurological dysfunction is physical and mental - he is increasingly forgetful and I question his judgment at times. He is stiff, slow, arthritic. The neurologist said he shouldn't drive, but of course, he lives alone in a house at the end of a long semi-country street. Not being able to drive would almost completely isolate him, and as an introvert with neurological dysfunction, he is not gregarious. That means, few friends (yes, a few good ones), and he wouldn't dream of asking anyone to help. In his mind, there is no need to ask for help, anyway.

So....what to do?

I am here in Virginia for the weekend. Two days ago, I went to the neurologist with Dad - to hear the results from some recent testing was the motivation for coming here. I am also working on the house and yard. It's in decent shape but there are signs of neglect here and there. Dad does not like to do yard work, so the yard is rather sloppy. Thankfully, he has a yard service to mow the lawn, trim, and edge. The house is fairly clean, and thankfully, he has a maid service to come in and clean up.  There is (mostly) fresh food in the house and Dad's eating well.

It is not a crisis yet. Now is the time to set a direction and some goals, including selling the house, moving Dad to a retirement community, and reducing the driving. Hence, I'm here to clean out part of the house, clean up the yard and look for home maintenance things that will prep the house for sale.

Getting Dad to understand and agree will be the harder challenge.

Grace Garden: first work day

The first workday was yesterday, Saturday.

Here I am with the group, turning the soil. The success of everything depends on the soil - always important to do this crucial prep work. 

Sister In Law's Progress

My sister in law is doing alright.  A few months ago, I reported she had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Since then, she has had surgery, had a port a cath implanted and is taking chemo. I'm not sure about the radiation - I think she's doing that too.

I only learned this because I finally joined Facebook. I joined for two reasons: to join a social group that only has a presence on Facebook, and to find out about my sister in law. No one calls any more, no one emails, or writes. You're supposed to go find out how people are doing on your own.

What a friggin' narcissistic society we live in.

I have stepped over to the dark side. I'm not all that impressed with it - suffice to say, it's serving the purpose I intended.  I don't think it's going to replace my presence here or on my other blog.

Back to sister in law's progress - she recovered from the surgery well, and it sounds like her particular type of cancer does not have as bad a prognosis as other pancreatic cancers. That's good. Her Facebook posts are very up beat and she seems to be keeping on a normal schedule fairly well. She posts a lot of Bible verses on her site - if that were to stop, I'd know something is wrong.

After it's resolved

So, now work is without my friend. It is going alright, really, and there's a different feel to the group.

Now, almost two weeks out, I think it was the right thing. I saw her yesterday in passing and I think it may have been the right thing for her also. It feels strange to say that.

That is behind me, and I get a lovely break with a half day off from work (to meet the HVAC maintenance guy and enjoy a little me-time) I am ready to move forward. I'm taking on different responsibilities at work and doing some recruiting for new people to assume some of my current responsibilities.

Last weekend provided some much needed rest - I went on a quilt retreat and I could be creative for a whole weekend. I got several things done and started making some new friends in the quilt guild.  Prizes were fun, too!  Here are two of my completed blocks from the 2011 Block of the Month called Starry Night (Kaffe Fassett fabrics).

Incidentally, I've slipped a bit in my enthusiasm for my "It Works" goals, but the list is still working its magic. Nothing too astonishing but bit by bit, things are going the way I want them to.

Resolved

My co worker resigned. I'm in a bit of a funk. It was very strange, but then, these types of things usually are. I must start over in a way.

There have been signs and symbols in my life lately that have indicated change. Maybe it's time to change.

Work life and life life

One thing all my heartache about my career taught me that work is work. It is fun to work, and it's a delight to have a job you actually like, but it's just a job. You've got to have integrity in yourself to survive in this world.

I'm really glad I'm a beloved child of God. There have been times when that's just about the only thing that keeps me hanging on.

The reason for these morose thoughts about professional life is that I think my best friend at work is going to quit or be fired. At least that's what she says.  She has had a difficult time these past few months. She and the boss don't  mesh well. I think it's an oil and vinegar problem - they see the world differently and have a lot of trouble communicating. Now, I think the boss has made up her mind that my friend is not doing her job and when you have that predisposition, everything you see supports your position. 

Me? I don't know whether she's doing her job. She's not goofing off, she's making every effort to "improve," and she is really trying to do the right thing. But sometimes despite the best efforts, it just doesn't work. 

Even if you're smart and even if you try, sometimes you find yourself in situations where you can't win. 

We expected the news to be let out today, but it didn't. I don't really know what's going to happen. My friend did not come to work today, but there were no announcements. 

It all might make sense to me if I didn't like the job, but the fact is I rather like what I do, and I'm doing well in the job - I get compliments and encouragement. This whole situation is just stressful and so unnecessary.