My mother in law is an artist and she makes beautiful jewelry and accessories. I was fortunate enough to receive some earrings and some home items, including a wine stopper, a dish and some beaded utensils.
My husband got me a new computer! I'm so excited - it's a new iMac, so much faster than my Mac Mini. It's sleek, it's cool, it's pretty, and it's more than functional.
I also got a new book, the second in the series of biographies of Eleanor Roosevelt. She was a remarkable woman. I am not much of a reader, really, but this author (Blanche Wiesen Cook) writes well and makes the material interesting. I am somewhat surprised as I read this book at how things were for women in the 1920s and 30s. We have come a long way. Eleanor Roosevelt and her contingent were instrumental in changing how Americans regarded women.
Travel
The traveling out to Arizona was pleasantly uneventful. The flights there and back were smooth. There were two stressors on the way back. The rental car company made us fill out an incident report for some supposed scratches on the bumper. I wonder if they targeted us? We didn't hit anything or scratch anything with the car while we had it. They might target us because we're from out of town. Well, we filled out the report claiming we did nothing and I took pictures of the entire car exterior. Just in case.
The second stressor was that the "babe" who sat next to us on the plane apparently thought she was better than the regulations regarding use of a cell phone on the plane. We got her to stop eventually, but she was pretty nasty about it. Actually, my husband talked to her about it and she snapped back at him. I wish I could have said something. I'm such a wimp.
Family
Overall I like my in laws. I couldn't have asked for better family, all things considered. However, they are not the family I grew up with and as such, their habits are foreign. I am foreign to them, as well. This causes stress. So, leaving after 6 days was a good idea.
My brother in law doesn't talk much. He's hard to relate to. My father in law and mother in law talk a little too much. My father in law likes to goad people with purposely false or misleading statements, just to raise an argument. His comments aren't mean spirited, but they get annoying after a while.
Both parents in law raised a lot of issues with not communicating with them "enough." I defended myself because I actually do send them emails about once every month to 6 weeks with general news, pictures, or whatever. Since we don't have kids, our lives are not that interesting to relatives. My husband doesn't communicate with them hardly at all unless there is a specific purpose. For example, I had to ask my husband to tell them what our travel plans were. We knew what days we had reserved at the resort, so I guess, to him, it didn't matter exactly when we arrived or left. Why did they have to know? While in Arizona, I deflected all attempts at guilt from the parents in law. I get few rewards (i.e. emotional goodies) by maintaining the relationship with them all by myself. Therefore, I am not going to do all the work. I will do some, and I do, but if they want to feel close to their son, it is not my responsibility to enable it.
This family does not like plan or make decisions. This drives my sister in law and me crazy; however, after 10 years we have both adapted. We usually plan for everyone. If they don't like it, I'm more than willing to negotiate, but if they don't speak up, tough. At first, I felt like I was being trapped by the family -as if they were putting me in the position of guessing what they wanted to do, then being responsible if they were disappointed or displeased. I got over that.
Another thing about this family is that my father in law likes to drive. All the time. Anywhere. If it's a dirt road, and he doesn't know where it goes, he'll take it. He is not the best driver to suit my tastes. He steers rather jerkily at times, and he likes to drive fast on twisty curvy roads up the mountainside. We try not to let him drive all of us too much. My husband and I were kind of trapped because we didn't have any excuse to let us drive. My brother in law and sister in law had such excuses - the child seat was in their car, and two of them get car sick if the driving is not smooth.
Additionally, I think the driving issue has to do with power. Dad holds on to his patriarch status this way.
Somehow, I managed to negotiate to allow us to drive to the Grand Canyon on our outing. That was remarkable.
I paid for that negotiation with some snide comments, but I made a concerted effort to let them roll off my back. Dad wasn't too cruel to me overall. No one else would have stood up to him.
And, we did let him drive on the other days!! It was only moderately terrifying....
Enough Complaints
For the first time I can remember, I really felt like I was a part of the family. It is not their fault or anything - in general, I have difficulty feeling like I'm really a member of a group. I'm not sure why. I got to make the cake for dessert on Christmas. We brought the wrapping paper so we had nicely wrapped gifts on Christmas. I helped make decorations for the "Christmas Tree" (a decorated artificial birch tree in the villa). That was really nice and made the trip worthwhile.
So it was a Merry Christmas. It was different from others I had experienced before.
Back to real life again.
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