Scrapbooking

I have begun the process to create a scrapbook of the pictures from our trip to Japan last October.

I have a love-hate relationship with scrapbooking. I like the results. I like neatness and organization of a scrapbook, rather than photos and mementos thrown lovingly but carelessly in a box somewhere. It's a creative activity and there are, oh, so many pretty shiny toys, gadgets, and tools you can use!

Or, should I say "buy."

Scrapbook pages are pretty. Colorful! And you get to do all those things we used to do in grade school art class - cut with scissors, glue, glue on mixed media elements, etc.

For the other side of the love-hate seesaw - I dislike how many gadgets you "need" to do a nice scrapbook. It's overwhelming! Since I don't have much experience with scrapbooking, I don't have clear vision for how to build the scrapbook. This means I don't know what tools, papers, glues, tapes, or embellishments I really need. I don't know what all is out there, and I don't know how to incorporate these elements into designs.

Worst of all, scrapbooking seems to stimulate obsessive compulsive in me. I try so hard not to fall into the pit of OCD, but scrapbooking seems to be my Scylla and Charybdis. Last week, I went to Michael's or Joann's every day I was off....at least once.

I went into the local Hobby Lobby earlier this week, and I swear I got light-headed browsing the 7 aisles of supplies.

Oh, and they don't play fair....sales; 40% off coupons; pretty displays; Martha Stewart's there too. In the face of such temptation when I have a legitimate project, I am weak.

In this project I've given in somewhat. I've bought "cardstock." I have about 8 pens. Just last week, I purchased - get this - brads. I found a book on scrapbooking called (Scrapbooking Made Easy). Easy; I like that. And, indeed, the book has provided ideas for focusing the scrapbook effectively, using color wisely, and using embellishments without having the page look like the trim section at Joann's threw up all over the page.

Believe it or not, more is not always better.

Once I went to a presentation on scrapbooking and I was liberated to learn that attractive pages are possible without having fancy cutters, pens, or embellishment. I have tried to follow that principle. I don't really need to get immersed in another hobby - quilting and sewing is plenty!!

The other frustration I have with scrapbooking is how long it takes. I have been working on this scrapbook for 3 weeks now, and I'm building the scrapbook in chronological order. I am up to day 4 of our 14 day trip.

Sigh. It's gonna take a while.

My attitude is this: who cares. I want a scrapbook, I don't care how long it takes to make it, or how huge the books become, or how many pictures will be in it. A trip such as this is a perfect reason to build one. Just so long as the OCD keeps in check. Lord, I can't start calling in "sick" to work so I can scrapbook!!

April 30

I can't believe it has been 17 days since I last posted. A number of things have happened I would like to talk about two of them. An unexpected day off from work frees me to write.

Scrub Caps

I am *still* sewing scrub caps. It is incredible how well they have sold; we have learned that they sold much better as direct orders achieved through personal interaction than in an open sale. Hopefully this is my last batch of five to sew. I am finally getting tired of making them. I still enjoy seeing people wearing my caps, though!

We had two dates where we had a table outside the cafeteria at work to sell the caps. L, another nurse, wanted to have a bake sale in addition to the cap sale. It was less-well-organized than my cap sales, but it did well. People always want to pick up a goodie after grabbing their lunches.  From bake sale items we made about $450 over the 2 days.  I can't believe that.

The caps were poorly displayed at the sale- just in a pile and no one was wearing them. No wonder they didn't sell very well.

I was a bit disappointed with the amateur appearance of the table and the display of our items. I had delegated that task, so I'm not going to criticize. I think if we had a nicer display we could have sold much more hats. I am also concerned about the image of our unit. The table did not look polished and professional.

Visiting the parents

I took a few days off last week and went to Virginia to visit my parents. I took the opportunity to visit with a good friend who lives near my parents. Seeing G was fun. Visiting the parents....not so much. My aunt and uncle live in the area, to, and I got to see them for lunch one day. Nice, because I hadn't seen them in a few years.

My current impression on the aging process is that it happens to everyone else, but not you. By this, I mean that you, yourself, do not think of yourself as old, despite all the evidence to the contrary. For example, my 73 year old aunt commented on how aggressive some of the "old people" are in the grocery store on senior citizen day. Ironically, I remember her laughing at my grandmother for not wanting to associate with the "old people" at her retirement home.

You may shoot me when I am over 65 and say such a thing.

At this visit, I saw decline. Mom has not changed a whole lot, but her immobility is not improving. She can hardly lift her leg into the car. Dad has declined: he walks with a shuffle now. His short term memory is getting worse. His balance is not so good. His driving is getting even scarier. He is getting angry about it, too....he wasn't mean to me, but my mother had intimated that he yells at times.

They have done one thing right. They have planned there estate and they have done it well. Thank God.

Which makes me want to write my feelings on their planned estate. It is all very logical how they have set up things. My older sister is the primary executor. Then me, then my brother. My brother and his wife have been getting extra money from my parents to assist with the raising of their child. This is the only grandchild, so it make sense. And it is their money, they can do what they wish with it.

I am the afterthought. I'm the backup plan. I'm the also-ran.

It has been this way all my life. Despite the fact that I cultivate a relationship with them, maintain it, and actively pursue it, I still feel like I'm the extra one. I'm not the smartest, or the richest, or the most desired, or the one with the most education, or the one who reproduced. I'm the nice-to-have.

This feeling pains me greatly. I struggle with it partially because my parents are both second children themselves - especially my mother complains along similar lines in how she was treated in her family. Yet, they did it themselves.

Yet, here I am, 43 years old - shouldn't I be "over" this already???? I am not, and I doubt I ever will be. I have learned to live with it, and so I will continue. My life is mine, not theirs.

I just wish they wouldn't bring it up. Going over the estate plans and documents thrust the situation in my face. No, I did not like being reminded just where it is I fit in this family. On paper. Formally. Notarized. Oh, for God's sake, stop already.

Oh well, enough complaining. I have more to write, but I'm getting tired of writing for now.

Hats, hats, hats

Me and my bright ideas....

I am working on a fund raiser that I organized to make scrub caps for OR personnel at the hospital. It's our unit's fund raiser for the 2009 Heart Walk on May 30.

I thought it would be nice to make about 50 caps, sell a few to our colleagues in the cath lab and EP lab, have a sales table by the cafeteria to sell the rest.

These crazy things are flying out as fast as I can make them!  

There are only 2 sewers: myself and another nurse. The caps come in 2 styles: skull cap and bouffant type. The girls tend to like the bouffants; the boys like the skull caps. 

We make them in fabric for the University we are affiliated with, fun prints, a few solid colors, and a few special orders (e.g. the LA Lakers - and we're in the midwest!).

We've sold 49 so far. Now we're trying to build some inventory for the sale. I must have made a good 30 caps by now. Guess what I'm doing on my day off tomorrow?

Really, though, it's terrific. We ought to make upwards of $700 for the American Heart Association.  It has been a great idea!

What the project truly needed, however, was a committed, organized leader. I am that person, not just half of the production committee. I am getting some personal satisfaction from seeing my handiwork worn in the labs. Way cool.

Holy Week

Holy week starts tomorrow.  This is the week of Christ's crucifixion, death, burial and resurrection. Now, I am not a Bible scholar, but as is my tradition as a Presbyterian, I will think and analyze this story.

This story is sad. It shows how, though a number of circumstances, an otherwise innocent guy was killed by his own society. The "stupid" part of the story is how many opportunities there were for the situation to end differently. 

Judas didn't have to betray him....and the Bible doesn't really clarify why Judas was motivated to do it.  Over the centuries, it has been interpreted as Judas being evil, the embodiment of the devil. I'm not so sure...

Jesus could have said something that makes Pilate release him. Pilate didn't seem to want to convict him, really. When you read the scripture, it sounds like Pilate kept looking for an excuse to set him free. He even asked the people what they wanted him to do and they made the decision. Since when are crowd decisions good ones?  Weren't these the same people who cheered his arrival to Jerusalem on Palm Sunday?

Someone could have taken him down from the cross. Not like they had impermeable security systems at that time...

Anyway, the story ends as we (Christians) have been taught - Jesus gets convicted, he is put to death, then he is resurrected to the spiritual realm.  

Here is the puzzlement: it doesn't seem like we got enough of Christ's teachings, so why would he go away after such a short ministry? Secondly, if our God is a God of love and forgiveness, why is He still requiring a blood sacrifice? Did this course of action change God, such that we can be reconciled to Him? How can THAT be, if God is eternal, omnipotent, and transcendent of time?

The Presbyterian tradition (and perhaps many reform traditions?) "explains" the course of this story as it being God's will, and that it was somehow necessary for the reconciliation between God and human. OK, I kind-of understand that.  If this sequence of actions all have a spiritual purpose, then the betrayal of Jesus by Judas was the action of the betrayer role. Under this assumption, Judas sacrificed himself to history, to be named the reviled one by the generations. Imagine that.

The concept of blood sacrifice, though, bothers me. We don't really do that any more to appease our "gods."  Seems like sacrifice is a human concept that we have progressed beyond.

...or have we? Instead of sacrificing animals any more, we sacrifice ourselves when we are troubled, like anorexia, bulimia, cutting, gang violence, domestic violence etc. It seems to be a flaw in our human natures that sacrifice resolves some conflict. I don't know why that is, but it just is. 

But I digress. 

Sometimes, I don't know why I follow a faith and believe all of this stuff. It does not make sense logically. Yet, I have faith and I seek peace with the dichotomy between faith and logic. Belief in God gives me a better life. Living for God gives me purpose. Knowing that I am reconciled to God gives me comfort and empowers me, even if I don't understand all of it. I am comfortable with the argument that my brain is too limited and small to understand why these things are necessary and important. I am not so arrogant to think that my single, puny human consciousness is powerful enough to comprehend the mysteries of the universe. 

Hallelujah anyway. He is risen indeed.

Happy Thoughts

Here is a little self-important post.  Designed to make me think of things I like.

Some things I like that are not my major passions:

• Twizzler's candy
• Diet Coke
• Rich colors
• Tulips, Lilacs, Snow drops, Peonies
• Reading the newspaper in the morning, particularly the Sunday paper 
• Asparagus
• Massages
• Pedicures
• Shopping in second hand stores
• Learning new things
• Bowling
• Planting a vegetable garden
• Neat and organized (you'd never know this looking at my house)
• Napping
• New York City
• Jigsaw puzzles
• Beautiful potted plants and hanging baskets of flowers

I am having trouble coming up with things to write about, so I tried this list. I think it is good discipline to write even though I don't have a passionate subject. This exercise got my mind in motion.  Here are some potential topics...I hope I remember to look back here:

• My thoughts on Christ's passion and crucifixion
• What I think my role in this world may really be
• Music lessons
• What I worry about

Certainly there's more....but dinner is done baking, I must get on to practical things.

A Quiet Thoughtful Quilter

Ugh, I am waylaid with a bad cold. I don't feel like doing anything, except sewing and finishing up my last Blue Valley Quilter's Guild Newsletter. I went to work all of last week and I think it was a mistake - although I was strongly compelled not to let my team down (we are short-staffed these days), I was probably too much of an infection risk to be a good nurse. 

To my patients, I apologize. It was a bad idea. I sincerely hope I didn't transmit my cold to anyone.

I tried my best, obsessively washing my hands, minimizing my time in close proximity to patients and coworkers, constantly sucking on a lozenge to hold off the coughing. Additionally, I had an early day on Wednesday, and this week was my Saturday. I felt strongly urged to be there and pull my weight.

The result is that I have prolonged my cold/sinus infection/bronchitis for 2 weeks now. Lucky me. 

I'm calling in sick for tomorrow. I just can't do it all.

Vacation

Vacation is a good thing. I am back from a week at Walt Disney World in Orlando Florida and feel refreshed and energized, even though I managed to catch a cold with sinus infection while on vacation. Bleh. Fortunately, it wasn't too severe a cold and I had a good time in the sunshine, playing at the various parks and resorts.

This year, we stayed at the Wilderness Lodge resort. I love the Northwest woods themed decor, and while it is one of my favorites, it is not the most conveniently located.  It is near the Magic Kingdom park, my least favorite park - it is just too kid-themed for adults to enjoy for very long. The layout makes the park feel crowded.  We enjoyed a few rides, seeing some of the new attractions, and a veggie burger at Cosmic Ray's Starlight Lounge. 

My husband's parents joined us for part of the week. It was so nice to see them, and we had a great time showing them around our favorite playgrounds. As seasoned WDW travelers, we know how to optimize our time, we know which rides are worth the wait, where to eat, what shows to see, etc.  It tickles me that my 70+ year old in-laws still like to go on the rides - even Expedition Everest, a new roller coaster at the Animal Kingdom. They enjoyed Soarin' at Epcot, too. They were good sports and let us set the agenda; in fact, they never complained about being tired - however, with my illness, I moderated our pace through the parks, adding breaks from time to time. 

At Disney's Hollywood Studios, I got chosen to be one of the volunteer "extras" for the Indiana Jones stunt show. That was pretty exciting. Sure, I made a fool of myself to get chosen. Whatever. It worked, and I had fun. I've seen that show at least 10 times; being in it made it new all over again.

After my in-laws had left, we had a nice gourmet meal at Victoria and Albert's, the 5-diamond dining establishment at Disney's Grand Floridian Resort. I think this was the 3rd time we ate there. It's a Prix-fixe meal customized to your tastes. We pre-ordered vegetarian. Yum-o - truly elegant dining with all the flair and panache you ca muster. Everything was delicious, even down to dessert.  Three chocolates - a Tanzanian chocolate mousse with edible 24k gold leaf on top, Brazilian chocolate souffle with Godiva Creme Anglaise, and Peruvian chocolate ice cream on chocolate flake pastry. Well worth the calories. 

Fortunately, we avoided much of the sappiness of the parks.  Usually, that gets to me after a while - I appreciate the positive image it portrays, but I get fed up with the "dreams come true" mantra after a while. 

It was a nice break, and now I feel ready to dive back into real life.