Change or stability?

I ended up talking with the recruiter. It went alright but they were thinking of me for an analyst position in Nashville, TN.

Tennessee? That's about as likely as me ending up in Kansas.

Oh wait.

I am quite content where I am now, and I have no motivation to change. I do not think I have a future in leadership in my current organization and that's really OK with me. I mean, I'm not being groomed (perhaps I am too old for that) or trained for leadership.

So, if I were to leave my job and relocate, I only would do it for an assistant director position or above. I believe I could do such a job; where I am now, few others think I could.  The higher I go in an organization, the higher the cost to my peace of mind and sanity. For suitable compensation (at many levels), it's worth it to me.

Right now, I'm in a good place. My job diminishes my soul at times, and I get some nice rewards. It's a good paying job.  I make a difference. The job does not stretch my skills to new heights. I get to leave it at the office, mostly.

One thing I've learned in the professional world is to value good colleagues, good work environment, and good energy. I have that now. Why would I want to change, for something as silly as ambition?

The Thoughtful Quilter has a few thoughts...

It has been 2 weeks since I went to NJ to have the second, and final, memorial service for my mother. It went amazingly well, it was a wonderful thing to do, it was great to see old friends from the past, etc etc but it cast a gray cloud over everything again. It's not as bad as the first time, thankfully, but it's feeling like I regressed.

This is normal and I understand that, but I don't really like it.

For the first time since Mom died, I have really felt a longing to talk with her. I feel a tension or discomfort that is soothed by comforting patterns from my past. But I can't get that comfort, it's over, it's gone.

This journey of grief is slow and plodding. It does remind me that I had a good relationship with Mom and I am so lucky for that.

I sense I am in the process of changing in some way. Not sure what the result will be - it's not intentional as some of my changes have been in the past. It will be curious to see how these next 2-3 years play out.

Now, to state a few things I am thankful for:

• Normal mammogram results
• A good job where I get lots of kudos
• General good health
• Two dogs that are loads of fun

Plant a Row for the Hungry: Wrap Up

Yesterday, I gave my last donation of homegrown produce to Harvester's, our local food bank. As I reported last May (before my life got flipped upside down) I rented a plot in my community garden with the intent of growing food for the hungry. The local foodbank has a program called "Plant a Row for the Hungry," which is a national program/movement/whatever. The idea is that home gardeners plant an extra row of produce to donate.

I have been giving all season. I planted items that the foodbank recommended as good to donate. I had more success with some things than others.

On 10/15, I harvested 15 beets from the plot.

Initially, I planted mustard greens, peppers (banana, jalapeno, bell), parsley, green beans, and zucchini.  Later in the season, I did a second planting of greens, Red Sails lettuce, and beets. I had the most success with the greens, lettuce and beets. Next best were the parsley and banana peppers. The bell peppers really started to produce after the heat of summer was over. I only started getting jalapenos since the end of September.

The green beans and zucchini were a bust. The beans were attacked by some kind of bug that chewed holes in the leaves, and those plants got overwhelmed (buried!) by the giant zucchini plants. The zukes got attacked by vine borers as I knew they would, but I hoped they'd produce before they keeled over. I think I got 4 fruits before a mouse family moved in, and I never saw another zucchini, baby or better.

I did grow some impressive zucchini plants, though.

As you can see, the beets were extremely successful. I have such giddy delight when I harvest!!

Bundled in bunches of five.

Beets are doubly good - you can eat the greens and the roots.

I donated about 20 pounds of fresh produce to Harvesters this season. I hope it went to good use. Next year, I will try to build a team for this project - it was a lot of work on my own and I think I'd feel more accomplished if I could enlist a group to help tend the garden and deliver the produce.

So...

I came back to work to find a message on my voice mail. A recruiter for IT in healthcare. I wonder what job they want me for?  Is it time for a change?

Looking at their website, there's a nursing informatics position in Oregon.

Really, it doesn't suck *that* bad

I was feeling a bit raw when I wrote my previous post. It's really not that bad, and eventually I'll be fine. I'm home now and this time, my flights were perfect. No delays, no bumps, no bad weather. I'm glad to be home and have two happy dogs awaiting my return.

I had a lovely diversion while driving from the Asbury Park area to our hotel near Dulles airport. We popped off the highway to stop at a fabric shop that I had found on the Internet. Read all about it at my crafting blog rikrax.  Now I have some new projects to work on!

Dad seemed OK, a bit lonely, but generally doing alright. I got to visit with my Mom's long time friend at the memorial service. I have lots of thank you letters to write. Nevertheless, I'm really glad to have this weekend behind me. Back to work tomorrow!

A difficult week, by any standard

I want to give witness to this week. It's one of those weeks that seems statistically improbable. It feels unbelievable.

I have been on the east coast for the past 5 days conducting the last events related to my mother's death. She had asked for some of her ashes to be interred at a memorial garden in her former church, back up in the northern NJ church where she still was a member, officially. Mind you, she'd retired to Virginia about 15 years ago. But, she never quite let go of the church, the Presbyterian Church at Franklin Lakes. They have since built a memorial garden for members.  The church was kind enough to allow us to hold a memorial service. We invited the local friends. It was a nice service much like the one back in June, although, this one had more of a Presbyterian focus. We buried one third of her ashes in the garden and planted a purple mum on top.

Afterwards, we had a reception at the church. That also went well. We had too much food, and they were supposed to set up the coffee makers, and they just dropped off a bag of ground coffee. Whoops.  The food was excellent (The Market Basket was the caterer - of course it was top-notch).

One third of her ashes were in Virginia, one third at the church, we had one more portion to take care of. At her request, the last third was to go to the Atlantic ocean.

Next day we took the final third of the ashes to Asbury Park to set free in the ocean. Asbury Park was significant to my mother because she grew up nearby and worked at this beach summers, as a teenager. It was lovely weather, and it was not too hard to find a quiet spot to sprinkle the bag of gray ash into the cool clear waters. 

What was unbelievable was that while we drove to Asbury Park, the vet where our cat was being housed called. Dmitri, our kitty, was not doing well - difficulty breathing with swelling of the tongue and throat. They gave him a shot of cortisone and oxygen. I told them no heroics...after all the cat was 16 years old and had not been doing all that well at home. Forty five minutes later, the vet called back. No improvement; it was likely he had a tumor pressing on his throat. So, I took a deep breath and told the vet that it was time.

So, I buried my mother, I put my cat down in the last few days.  

How shall I top off this wonderful week?

With a mammogram.

Can't get better than that, I tell ya.