I am still here and I'm working through the cloud of sadness. This makes it sound like I'm walking around with a grim expression on my face, on the verge of tears all the time. I'm not...in fact I laugh, and I socialize, and I create, and I cook, and all those normal things. It just takes a bit more energy to do every little thing, and that wears me out by the end of the day.
I had made a resolution to start going back to the gym in September. It has been so dreadfully hot here and I was exhausted, and there was yard work. I found a lot of comfort sitting stupid in front of the TV. Having new episodes of Burn Notice and Project Runway available made it that much more comfortable.
I started following The Free Motion Quilting Project blog by Leah Day and I read her series of posts on her sinkhole quilt. I am not alone in depression and a difficult childhood. This I know already...but I found it inspirational and courageous. I appreciated that she shared her issues with the world. Made me want to write a bit today.
Music. It seems odd to me that music would, given my upbringing because I was not raised by musicians. I was not taught to view life through music. Somehow it grew in me. Becoming a singer probably accelerated the process - the clarinet speaks for me in one way, but it's so personal to me when I use the physical instrument.
This past week I purchased The List, a collection of classic heritage music by Rosanne Cash. When she was 18, her father, Johnny Cash, gave her a list of 100 songs that he considered to be essential literature for any American songwriter or musician. It is a collection of country, rhythm and blues, Appalachian, folk, gospel and Southern Blues. She chose 12 songs from this list for the album. She interpreted them anew.
Right now, I am taken by the second track, "Motherless Children." Sure, the connection is obvious. The phrasing is simple, but the words are profound in their simplicity and they resonate with me.
I keep thinking I should write a resource list for the grieving with all I'm learning.
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