Halloween - a few memories

It has been a while since I wrote a memory post. Here are some costumes from Halloweens I remember.

When I was very little, about 4 or 5, Mom made my sister and me some matching clown costumes for Halloween. They were adorable - balloony outfits with gathered elastic neck, arms, and ankles. The fabric was half red and white polka dots, half solid red, divided on the vertical plane. Bright red pom poms were sewn to the seam line in the front, like giant buttons. We had matching hats topped with a pom pom, and Mom painted in our cheeks and noses with red lipstick. She also painted on clown eye make up. Every time I looked in the mirror, I giggled. Gawd, we were cute.

Another time, maybe age 7 or 8, I dressed as a ghost. We actually got to cut up white sheets to make the costumes. I painted my ghost face like a girly-ghost, with lipstick, eyelashes, and blush. That was a last minute costume - I remember that I imagined it looked more sophisticated than it really did. I thought I looked like the ghosts they drew in cartoons. Yet, I was disappointed when I looked in the mirror.

In 6th grade, I was in my androgynous phase, and I dressed up as a hobo, wearing stuffing for a beer belly, some of my dad's old clothes, and a mask and derby hat found at the convenience store. I carried a pouch on a stick, like the hobos of the movies did.

Two times, in high school band, we were to dress up for the marching band half time show at the football game. One year I dressed up like Smurfette. I put on a ton of blue temporary hair dye. Yeah, I know, Smurfette is a blond (and so was I at the time) but I wanted blue hair!! I had a cool white smurf hat, and I wore white sweat pants along with my white band shoes. I remember the blue hair spray dye got everywhere - I was spitting blue and blowing blue boogers.

The second year, I dressed up as Miss Piggy. I made little stuffed ears to wear, I had long gloves with big rings, a clip on pig snout, and I let my blond hair flow free. I wore a pink dress and high heels. Brilliant idea, marching on a football field in high heels - ah, the things kids do.

One high school year, when Halloween fell mid week, I was Marilyn Monroe, and I wore a bright red party dress to school. The dress was my aunt's from the 1950s, and it included rhinestones, taffeta, and chiffon. I teased my hair and did the marvelous make up of the fifties (bright red lipstick, powder, heavily lined eyes). I wanted attention. I wanted to be pretty. Normally, I was such a nerd.

I don't remember what I did in college. Hell, it was just an excuse to drink, anyway.

Oh, wait, I remember one year, I dressed up as Barbie Doll. I had a gold metallic prom dress (which I had not worn to a prom, but had acquired some other way), and a did barbie doll hair and make up. Too bad I wasn't as busty or thin as Barbie. This was at a sorority event - some of my sisters dressed up as the chicks in Robert Palmer's Addicted to Love video from MTV. They looked awesome.

MTV. Yes, indeed, it *was* the 80s....

As an adult, a few of my memorable costumes were:

• Black cat with cat's eyes fashioned out of black sunglasses with fluroescent green eyeballs. (That one was very effective. I wore it a couple of years.)
• Hans and Franz from Saturday Night Live in the 90s (I was Franz, my boyfriend was Hans)
• Wallace and Gromit (I was Gromit, dear husband was Wallace)

This year, nothing. I wore a Halloween pin to work yesterday.

Going public

I am making another web persona and I am going public with a shop to sell my scrub caps on Etsy. It isn't live yet, but I'm working on it. My goal is to have 10 items posted and open the shop for business on my birthday.

I've been busy with that for a while, which is why I haven't posted here for a while. It's exciting and fun. Trying to make inventory. Coming up with shop policies. Figuring out how to accept payments. Trying to decode how to calculate sales tax for in state sales.

Oy, taxes.

Now, I need inventory, and dammit, I keep selling my inventory at work. These sales are bootstrapping my little business.

Last weekend I went to the O You! conference in Kansas City. It's a motivational conference sponsored by Oprah Winfrey and all of her associates with lectures, workshops, and educational opportunities. I had a delightful time - good speakers that made me feel empowered, lots of samples passed out to attendees, a nifty little notebook and a foldable tote bag given at registration, and goodie bags handed out at the end of the show. All kinds of good stuff included in those nice totes. Lunch was even included and it was pretty darn good.

Oprah Winfrey is good. She's the Eleanor Roosevelt of our generation (sort of...well, you know what I'm getting at). She strives for good and personal empowerment for all. I like that. What can I say, I'm a fan. And now I'm even more excited about my little shop.

Thoughtful

Today the Thoughtful Quilter is thoughtful. Hee, hee.

Present

Regarding work: I decided to go back to the 3 12-hour shifts. Late on Thursday it occurred to me that I would be working a lot more if I stayed at the 4 10-hour shifts, not just the 4 extra hours. My personal time seems to have diminished more than the 10% extra hours I was working. This is not why I became a nurse.

I love my job; however, I love my personal life just a little more.

Past

Another ghost from the past emerged. I received and invitation from my former company to a breakfast honoring people who held patents for the company. This is how I learned that my second patent was granted.

Curiously, it was granted last February, 8 months ago. Did anyone think to mention that to me? No, of course not. That sums up my whole experience with that company. (Flipping company the bird right now.)

Nevertheless, my gut told me I should go to the ceremony. In the spirit of following my instincts, I said yes and now I am making plans to go. Flying to North Carolina, seeing old friends. How exciting! Some of those folks don't even know I'm in Kansas and I'm an RN now.

I experienced a range of feelings when this news came. Pride, ego, intimidation, sadness, insecurity, embarrassment, superiority, happiness, excitement.

Future

I am sewing scrub caps like a crazy woman. I have another client, how about that! A chef who wants something to cover her hair when preparing food for her clients. Networking is taking place! I can actually do this!

Watch for a November 8 launch.

Two Quotes I Like

"It is never too late to be what you might have been." - George Eliot

and

"The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing." - Walt Disney

The first quote inspires me to continue learning and growing. I feel much more empowered now than any previous time in my life.

I just heard the second quote recently, and I have been pondering it. It inspires me to decide what I want and go make it happen. Typically, I get frustrated when I want to do something but the world isn't aligning to my desires. Well, hell. I need to make the reality I want. Hence the online store idea.

I tend to wallow in research. Sometimes, I just need to jump in naively, foolishly, and optimistically. Of course, for this store to have some hope of success, I need something to sell before I actually create it. I'm working on that now. I have several kits cut out for scrub caps, now if I can put them together, I'll need to launch. Opening shop on my birthday is a wonderful goal. Less than a month!! Sure I can do it. I just need about 10 hats to sell and then we'll see what happens.

Today, I made bread. Good therapy. I used a honey whole wheat recipe I had not tried before (from my favorite bread book: Homemade Bread, by the Food Editors of Farm Journal). It came out great - very wheat-y and not too heavy. Moist, with a fine crumb. The recipe is called whole wheat bread, but then it calls for 2/3 all-purpose flour, 1/3 whole wheat flour. Well, I fixed that - instead, I changed it to 2/3 whole wheat flour - serendipitously, though. I ran out of white flour. Whoops.

The recipe makes 3 loaves, but it turns out that three loaves of dough is slightly too much for my mixer. It nearly worked its way out of the bowl up the dough hook while kneading! The mixer handles 2 loaves worth of dough just fine.

Every day, I learn something.

Incidentally, it was Quilt Guild day today. No big whoop this time - more of a business meeting, so I wasn't all wrapped up with program details.

Damn.

The name I thought of for my business....is also a porn star name.

Guess I won't use that. Back to the drawing board...

The Middle Kingdom

I feel like I'm in between right now.

In between what, and what? It is not clear to me. Here's what is going on:

Work:
I recently changed work schedules for an experiment at work. My supervisor wanted to try having another early AM nurse to see if we could have more patients ready for their procedures earlier. The goal is to allow the doctors to get started earlier. So maybe they can finish their days earlier and stop having to pay so much overtime and late-hour differentials to the lab staff.

Aside: Why the labs' overtime is our responsibility, I don't know. Why do we have to adjust our work because they can't get through their schedules efficiently? Nevertheless, our manager has decided that we should make an impact.

For the past 2 weeks, I have been working four 10-hour shifts, 6:00a to 4:30p. Now, halfway thorough the experiment, I am not sure if I like it. I do like getting out of work when it is still daylight. I think I will like the increased money in each paycheck (working 40 hours instead of 36, and any overtime is *real* overtime). I like feeling that I'm making a difference in the success of my unit. I like the idea that I could have my evenings free, such that I get things done after work - I'm not so wiped out at the end of the day that I sit comatose in front of the TV until I go to bed. I like eating dinner at a normal time.

I don't like getting up so early. I miss my yoga in the mornings. I don't like having to do 12 hours of work in 10 hours time. I don't like getting a majority of admissions in my assignments (admitting patients takes more work). I don't like being looked upon as a slacker for leaving "early." I don't like working 4 days a week.

I don't like the pressure to adopt this schedule permanently. Technically I haven't been asked to do so, yet, though.

My husband likes seeing me more often.

I wonder if it's time for a new job?

Church:

Again, it is Sunday, and again, I don't want to go to church. I also don't want to sing with the Praise Team any more. Why?

1. Praise Team is boring. We sing the same old music over and over again. This is because we can't learn new music. Why? I think it is because our members can't read music, they don't seem to have an interest in learning something new, and because the director is a busy person who doesn't have the time or energy to push us to do something different or better.
2. Praise team members love to chit chat about their kids in school. Several of the members are teachers, and all (but one) of them have school-age kids. I don't have kids. I don't work in the schools. I feel left out.
3. The preaching is rather dull right now. Our pastor is retiring soon and I think he's running out of steam. I'm tired of sermons on Abraham and Sarah. Or Isaac. C'mon. Make me think.
4. I don't have a support group in church. It takes about 4 weeks of absences for someone to notice I'm not there. Now.... I can't put too much importance in this excuse, since to expect that of my church is to overestimate my significance there. I don't join small groups, so I don't have anyone to miss me. As I've said before, I go to church for me, not because they want me there. This side effect is entirely my own doing.
5. I'm feeling like I don't have enough time to myself with the increase in work hours and my recent commitments in the Wind Symphony. I want those 2-3 hours for me. Like, right now...I'm posting during church time.

Personally, I think it's OK to be away for a while. I really wish I could be devoted all the time. It just isn't that way with me. No need to feel all guilty about it.

Heh. Apparently I am feeling guilty. I'm confessing it right now, aren't I?

Hobbies / Sewing:

I thought up a brand name for my "company." I am trying to make some inventory. I hope to launch in the near future. Maybe for my birthday!

I have decided again that this VP job (in the quilt guild) is not for me. I cannot do it for another year. It's too stressful for me.

What I want to do:

All I want to do is follow my creative pursuits - sewing, knitting, learning Japanese, clarinet, cooking (mmm, I made some delicious Chinese stir fry bean thread noodles with veggies last night).

I am in between the tension of what I have to do, what I should do, what I want to do, and the larger goals I have for my life.