For me, stress shows up in my sleep. When I have stress, worry and anxiety in my life my sleep is affected in two ways: I wake up frequently during the night and I have stress dreams. I wake up, check the clock, and then my mind gets busy and I cannot fall back asleep. It's a semi-conscious state - I'm not actively worrying, yet I am not resting deeply. If my mind is present, I usually try to focus on prayers and I pray for as many people and situations as I can think of. At least if I'm tossing and turning, I am doing something productive.
Well, I believe praying is productive use of my time.
The stress dreams are more intriguing. If I am angry at someone or something, my dreams take a violent theme. I witness an accident in which someone gets killed or gravely injured (usually I don't distinguish the difference in the dream). A disaster occurs, like a plane crash. Or, I see a car accident. Occasionally, I perform the violent act, and it's always as an accident (for example, I'm driving the car that hits someone - but I didn't see the person until it's too late).
When it's generalized stress, my dreams are stories of confusion and being lost. I am trying to get somewhere but I'm always making wrong turns, or finding the way blocked. I'm trying to do something, but I am stymied. I am puzzled in the dream, but I keep on going, only to face more challenges. I never reach my goal in the dream.
Either type of dream can be upsetting. When I wake up I am vaguely angry or upset. It takes a few hours to release the feeling.
Earlier this week, my dream was trying to return to my hotel room while visiting my alma mater, Penn State. I have not been to State College in almost 20 years, and I understand it has changed immensely. This was the theme of the dream - everywhere I thought I was going had been changed. I tried taking a detour through a fraternity complex, only to find a precarious gorge had formed in the middle of their courtyard. I had to go back. There were buildings I didn't recognize. The pathways had moved and didn't go where they were supposed to. The old places I hung out were replaced with new buildings and structures. As usual for these dreams, I never made it back to my hotel. I woke up.
There's always a real-life metaphor for these dreams. The confusion journey dreams are addressing my anxiety about our upcoming trip to Japan. I am nervous about the trip. I only know a very little Japanese and I can't read Kanji. Being out of my element is very scary...of course, that is the very reason I'm going. The experience will help me grow. Growth doesn't obliterate my fears; nevertheless, I will do it anyway.
In last night's dream, I found myself the owner of a large barn (on the property of a new house my husband and I bought). The barn was partially finished as a house, and it was full of stuff. Some of the stuff was nice, like brand new beautiful baby and children's clothes, new and used craft supplies, household items, furniture, and lots of TVs. Much of the stuff was worthless used merchandise. It was like an estate sale; it was all mine. My husband was no where to be found in the dream.
As I was surveying this stuff and trying to figure out how to organize all of it, people came and started wandering around the piles of things. They thought it was a yard sale, but nothing had been advertised or set up. Some decided they could take items; after all, I wasn't using them, I wouldn't miss them, and nothing was priced, no cashier. I confronted them, approaching them and yelling. "Why are you stealing from me?" I demanded of several people. "What are you doing? Are you taking something that is not yours? That's really not a Christian thing to do," I reprimanded another woman who tried to slip a new, fully packaged nightgown under her arm. (I remember thinking in the dream that I don't know if she's Christian, so maybe I shouldn't say that...)
I know where the yelling came from. It was a replay of an event at work yesterday. I actually yelled at the family member of a patient! I kicked her off the unit.
Whoa. Out of character for meek li'l ole me.
The situation was getting ugly. The woman was having a loud argument with someone on the phone using extremely foul language. First, I shut the door to the patient's room. She was so loud you could hear her down the hall even with the door shut.
I stormed in and told her forcefully and clearly how inappropriate her behavior was. No one needs to hear language like that; this is a hospital. I want you to act like an adult or take it out of here. She left. She didn't argue with me, although she pointed out that I didn't know what was going on. That's true, I said, but I do know that her behavior here was inappropriate.
Holy crap. I've never been that assertive before in my whole life. It was difficult, scary, stressful, and yet it was the right thing to do. No one else was around to take a stand, I just did it.
Doing something out of character like that is stressful. It was a tough day all around; hence the stress dream. Hence the fact that I woke up at 0500 am. Hence I'm posting (and trying to exorcise the demon) so early on a Saturday morning.
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