It was a nice change of pace for Memorial Day this year. My family came in. This is unusual because I live far from everyone else. My parents took two days and drove out from Virginia and my sister and brother-in-law drove from Colorado. It was a house full of interesting adults.
I could indulge and talk about the family dynamic, but I won't. I've pretty much gotten through all the drama of the mother-daughter relationship, the sibling rivalry, etc. Well....OK....I still have some issues with the rivalry, but they didn't come into play much at all this time. I have more difficult issues with the rivalry and my brother, but that's another post.
Things went well for the visit - due to my mother's poor health (and rainy weather) we stayed around the house most of the time. For entertainment we played Rummikub, watched TV (introducing my Dad to "Good Eats" with Alton Brown), watched a DVD, planted some pots for the yard, and had a little cook out. Mom has trouble with mobility and she is sensitive to the weather, so indoor activities were the thing to do. My sister brought some of her collector's dolls for show-and-tell, which provided some good entertainment for a while.
Yeah, I like dolls, too. Not like she likes dolls, but we all enjoyed seeing her hobby/obsession.
We did get Mom out to JoAnn's for a few hours one afternoon. A limited-time-only sale, much cajoling, and lots of support (Dad, me, and my sister) all contributed to getting her out of the house. Mom likes craft things. She does some exquisite counted cross stitch from kits so she found a new kit for a future project while at the shop. She spent at least 45 minutes contemplating the offerings in JoAnns. She also found a gift for her granddaughter.
Mom uses a scooter to get around. She does well with it...the main issue with her mobility is getting her in and out of the house (we have a couple of steps at every entrance), getting in and out of the car, and getting from car to scooter. You don't realize how much you take your mobility for granted, until you lose it or try to find things to do with a person of limited mobility.
My sister and brother in law left on Tuesday. My parents left on Wednesday. I enjoyed their visit and it would have been great if they had stayed longer, but I'm glad to have my home back.
I hope to write sometime about these family members. They're good folks. I don't see them as much as I'd like, but travel is hard, I have work obligations, and travel can be costly, especially when you add on boarding fees for the dogs and the cat.
Nothing major planned for the summer until our friend Ann comes to visit.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Every day
I have started this post a couple of times now. I feel like I have something to say, but I cannot get it to gel into a topic or a subject for this writing. Past experience has told me that sometimes if I just write, it will come out. It may not be optimal on the first go round; that's what editing is for.
My husband went to bed at about 8:30 tonight. He didn't say a word, he was just gone. I had been cleaning the house for the impending visit of my parents and sister and brother in law, and prior to that, I had been mowing the lawn. When I came inside, he was gone. At first I thought he'd gone to his video game room or the basement, so I took to my cleaning tasks....but then I looked around the house for him and found him in bed. "You went to bed?" I asked. Then, I asked him why he didn't tell me, and he mumbled something. I did not ask for clarification...the mumble was a signal that he did not wish to communicate.
He has a migraine I found out a few minutes later.
I feel like he should have told me. I feel like he's mad at me for being busy around the house. I feel like he's punishing me because I didn't plop on the couch and watch TV with him all evening.
He probably does have a migraine - the allergies have been bad this year. But he's so tired and sick all the time! Why? I don't know. He's not "really sick" like he wants to go to the doctor, just sick enough not to be able to do anything after work.
Usually I attribute his lethargy to his introverted personality. While he does just fine in social situations, they seem to drain him and cause stress. A day interacting with coworkers is enough to wipe him out for the evening. Sometimes this behavior frustrates me because he doesn't do anything around the house. A few minutes after I'd found him wrapped up in the covers, he shuffled downstairs slowly holding his head, looking all peeved. He let the dogs inside from the backyard - they had been out there barking. That's when I found out he had a migraine. I said I wasn't mad at him, I was just surprised.
That's not true. I am mad at him (although not that much). I wanted to be told. When I just disappear I get grief for not telling him what I'm doing, where I'm going, etc. I feel disrespected for being kept uninformed. The reason I say I am "not all that much" mad is because this behavior is not unusual for him and there's no sense getting all worked up about it. It will pass.
Men have this odd way of expecting blind loyalty. I struggle with that. They don't need to explain themselves, you're supposed to trust them without question, even if their actions seem out of character or bizarre. It seems to be a litmus test of love. I see it on TV all the time...of course, TV is fiction, but it mimics reality enough.
Situations like this make me pensive - hence this need to write. I think about the nature of relationships, of marriage, of what we expect from one another. About how much disappointment we cause each other. Of the million little hurts we unwittingly bestow on each other. I don't know if it's easier for other people - I know there are other married couples who do much much worse than we do. I don't know if this is "normal." I do know it's not that bad, it's not abusive and the good times certainly outweigh this minor stress. While I would like an "ideal marriage" (whatever that is), am I foolish for thinking "ideal" is even possible for a marriage with me in it?
My husband went to bed at about 8:30 tonight. He didn't say a word, he was just gone. I had been cleaning the house for the impending visit of my parents and sister and brother in law, and prior to that, I had been mowing the lawn. When I came inside, he was gone. At first I thought he'd gone to his video game room or the basement, so I took to my cleaning tasks....but then I looked around the house for him and found him in bed. "You went to bed?" I asked. Then, I asked him why he didn't tell me, and he mumbled something. I did not ask for clarification...the mumble was a signal that he did not wish to communicate.
He has a migraine I found out a few minutes later.
I feel like he should have told me. I feel like he's mad at me for being busy around the house. I feel like he's punishing me because I didn't plop on the couch and watch TV with him all evening.
He probably does have a migraine - the allergies have been bad this year. But he's so tired and sick all the time! Why? I don't know. He's not "really sick" like he wants to go to the doctor, just sick enough not to be able to do anything after work.
Usually I attribute his lethargy to his introverted personality. While he does just fine in social situations, they seem to drain him and cause stress. A day interacting with coworkers is enough to wipe him out for the evening. Sometimes this behavior frustrates me because he doesn't do anything around the house. A few minutes after I'd found him wrapped up in the covers, he shuffled downstairs slowly holding his head, looking all peeved. He let the dogs inside from the backyard - they had been out there barking. That's when I found out he had a migraine. I said I wasn't mad at him, I was just surprised.
That's not true. I am mad at him (although not that much). I wanted to be told. When I just disappear I get grief for not telling him what I'm doing, where I'm going, etc. I feel disrespected for being kept uninformed. The reason I say I am "not all that much" mad is because this behavior is not unusual for him and there's no sense getting all worked up about it. It will pass.
Men have this odd way of expecting blind loyalty. I struggle with that. They don't need to explain themselves, you're supposed to trust them without question, even if their actions seem out of character or bizarre. It seems to be a litmus test of love. I see it on TV all the time...of course, TV is fiction, but it mimics reality enough.
Situations like this make me pensive - hence this need to write. I think about the nature of relationships, of marriage, of what we expect from one another. About how much disappointment we cause each other. Of the million little hurts we unwittingly bestow on each other. I don't know if it's easier for other people - I know there are other married couples who do much much worse than we do. I don't know if this is "normal." I do know it's not that bad, it's not abusive and the good times certainly outweigh this minor stress. While I would like an "ideal marriage" (whatever that is), am I foolish for thinking "ideal" is even possible for a marriage with me in it?
Monday, May 19, 2008
Vacation
Last weekend I went on a little trip to Orlando Florida, to DisneyWorld. Seems rather odd that we'd go just for a weekend, but we're unattached, so why not?
My husband went for a collectors show. I had been to that show before, and I didn't want to go again. So, I enjoyed the time to myself. I spent it as follows:
Sweet.
We belong to the Disney Vacation Club, and our home resort is Disney's Boardwalk. An excellent choice! At the time we joined, there were only 2 vacation club resorts in Orlando. Now there are 6. We got into one of the best ones, in my opinion. We joined at a great time - when it was just taking off. This time we had a boardwalk view villa that was just wonderful.
We go to Disney about once a year. It was easier when we lived in North Carolina - the flight was about an hour and a half. It's still not all that long from Kansas City, a little under 3 hours. Many times we stay at the Boardwalk, but we have stayed elsewhere from time to time - Wilderness Lodge, the Polynesian, Coronado Springs, All-Star Music (although that was before we joined the club). The Boardwalk is nice because it is an upscale hotel and it's located within walking distance to EPCOT. The Boardwalk amenities are just a short walk away - shops, entertainment, nice restaurants. It has all the amenities I want from day to day, and it has transportation for all the other amenities (like the spa or shopping).
I like going to the spa on vacation. It makes me feel pampered and beautiful. This time was especially nice - the treatment included a sugar scrub, a reflexology massage, and a facial. The facial was one of the best facials I've ever had! No high-pressure sales and no insulting aesthetician. I feel detoxified and purified.
Disney itself is a rather weird place when you don't have kids. No one quite knows what to make of you when you're too old to be a newlywed, but too young to be a grandparent. Why would you want to come to such a kiddie place? Well, simple. We don't do the kiddie things when we're there.
Well, maybe a few. We do go to the parks, usually skipping the Magic Kingdom, and we do ride some of the rides. We do the more adult things, like listen to the performances, watch the shows, sit in for special event lectures, have relaxed meals at the finer restaurants, take tours, and of course, visit the spa. Disney can be a good place for adults, too, you just need to look outside the usual.
Honestly, though, the cheery message "You can be anything you want to be, if you just dream!!" and "Wish hard enough and wishes come true!" gets to me after a while. I also get fed up with the pushy people (a.k.a. New Yorkers and New Jerseyites, who swarm there) who think that they are privileged or entitled because they are pushing a baby stroller. Or because they are staying at the expensive resort (so what...we are too.) For the most part, though, people behave themselves.
It's hard to get back to reality, now that I'm home. I'm certainly glad I took today off to recoup. I came home to a neatly mowed lawn, thanks to a neighborhood kid, and a vegetable garden that's really taking off. It is finally warm here! The gray cloud of winter is lifting, and I am joyous.
My husband went for a collectors show. I had been to that show before, and I didn't want to go again. So, I enjoyed the time to myself. I spent it as follows:
- Napping
- Renting a little speedboat for about an hour
- Enjoying a 4-hour treatment package at the Spa at the Grand Floridian
- Watching the fireworks at EPCOT from the balcony of the hotel
Sweet.
We belong to the Disney Vacation Club, and our home resort is Disney's Boardwalk. An excellent choice! At the time we joined, there were only 2 vacation club resorts in Orlando. Now there are 6. We got into one of the best ones, in my opinion. We joined at a great time - when it was just taking off. This time we had a boardwalk view villa that was just wonderful.
We go to Disney about once a year. It was easier when we lived in North Carolina - the flight was about an hour and a half. It's still not all that long from Kansas City, a little under 3 hours. Many times we stay at the Boardwalk, but we have stayed elsewhere from time to time - Wilderness Lodge, the Polynesian, Coronado Springs, All-Star Music (although that was before we joined the club). The Boardwalk is nice because it is an upscale hotel and it's located within walking distance to EPCOT. The Boardwalk amenities are just a short walk away - shops, entertainment, nice restaurants. It has all the amenities I want from day to day, and it has transportation for all the other amenities (like the spa or shopping).
I like going to the spa on vacation. It makes me feel pampered and beautiful. This time was especially nice - the treatment included a sugar scrub, a reflexology massage, and a facial. The facial was one of the best facials I've ever had! No high-pressure sales and no insulting aesthetician. I feel detoxified and purified.
Disney itself is a rather weird place when you don't have kids. No one quite knows what to make of you when you're too old to be a newlywed, but too young to be a grandparent. Why would you want to come to such a kiddie place? Well, simple. We don't do the kiddie things when we're there.
Well, maybe a few. We do go to the parks, usually skipping the Magic Kingdom, and we do ride some of the rides. We do the more adult things, like listen to the performances, watch the shows, sit in for special event lectures, have relaxed meals at the finer restaurants, take tours, and of course, visit the spa. Disney can be a good place for adults, too, you just need to look outside the usual.
Honestly, though, the cheery message "You can be anything you want to be, if you just dream!!" and "Wish hard enough and wishes come true!" gets to me after a while. I also get fed up with the pushy people (a.k.a. New Yorkers and New Jerseyites, who swarm there) who think that they are privileged or entitled because they are pushing a baby stroller. Or because they are staying at the expensive resort (so what...we are too.) For the most part, though, people behave themselves.
It's hard to get back to reality, now that I'm home. I'm certainly glad I took today off to recoup. I came home to a neatly mowed lawn, thanks to a neighborhood kid, and a vegetable garden that's really taking off. It is finally warm here! The gray cloud of winter is lifting, and I am joyous.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
A Quilt for Baby
I started one of my projects for this year! It is a baby quilt for my friends who are newly pregnant. They're "fashionable" people so I chose some fabric in today's modern colors. Brown, aqua, teal, and olive green. I bought the fabric last weekend when a friend and I took a little road trip to Lawrence to a cool fabric shop. They're on the web!
I didn't want to do anything to fancy because I wanted to showcase the fabrics. I had in mind doing a strip piece quilt with wide strips in the 4-6" range surrounded by a single border. I never found fabrics that would work in that layout, so I ended up with simple strips of variable widths. The widths showcase the fabric patterns. Then I arranged them in a pleasing way and sewed them together. The top was done in less than 3 hours! I felt so accomplished!
Usually I do complicated piecing. For instance, the quilt I'm working on for my bed (queen size) consists of Log Cabin blocks with 13 pieces each. I need 80 blocks. I've done 42 so far. It's taking a while....
Now I need to figure out what kind of backing and binding I would like - I'm thinking of finding a cutesy 30s reproduction print with a children's motif, probably in browns. I could find another modern print, or I could go with a solid. The binding would be nice in dark teal. The quilting will be repeated patterns along each strip, I think. Maybe loop-de-loops in vertical stripes. I want to choose a quilting pattern that matches the "feel" of the quilt.
I have the sewing bug. That is, I am energized and interested in working on my projects. It ebbs and flows.... Today, I worked on a pillow project a good friend gave me. Came out cute - not my colors, but what the heck. It was fun.
I think I'll try my sewing machines "hand quilting stitch" on this project, see how it turns out.
I didn't want to do anything to fancy because I wanted to showcase the fabrics. I had in mind doing a strip piece quilt with wide strips in the 4-6" range surrounded by a single border. I never found fabrics that would work in that layout, so I ended up with simple strips of variable widths. The widths showcase the fabric patterns. Then I arranged them in a pleasing way and sewed them together. The top was done in less than 3 hours! I felt so accomplished!
Usually I do complicated piecing. For instance, the quilt I'm working on for my bed (queen size) consists of Log Cabin blocks with 13 pieces each. I need 80 blocks. I've done 42 so far. It's taking a while....
Now I need to figure out what kind of backing and binding I would like - I'm thinking of finding a cutesy 30s reproduction print with a children's motif, probably in browns. I could find another modern print, or I could go with a solid. The binding would be nice in dark teal. The quilting will be repeated patterns along each strip, I think. Maybe loop-de-loops in vertical stripes. I want to choose a quilting pattern that matches the "feel" of the quilt.
I have the sewing bug. That is, I am energized and interested in working on my projects. It ebbs and flows.... Today, I worked on a pillow project a good friend gave me. Came out cute - not my colors, but what the heck. It was fun.
I think I'll try my sewing machines "hand quilting stitch" on this project, see how it turns out.
Friday, May 9, 2008
The Fence Chronicles
When we bought out house in 2004, we were delighted that there was a fence in the back yard - 6 foot privacy fence. Perfect for the dogs. It's not beautiful - kinda plain, but it made our yard great for the dogs to run and it gave the back yard the feel of a cozy secret garden.
The fence is old. It's really falling apart now, and some of the posts are so warped that the sides of the fence are wavy. It is time to replace it. In fact, it was probably time to replace it last year. I arranged for a company to do all the work - kind of expensive, but homes are expensive and this was clearly needed.
After waiting about 8 weeks from the original estimate, delayed because of the cool wet spring, we finally got scheduled to have the old fence demolished today.
The company came out this morning. They marched around the perimeter and shook their heads skeptically. They examined all the little flags the phone company and gas company and electric company and cable company had put in our yard marking buried cable. They looked at the puddles in the yard from this morning's rain.
It was too dangerous. They said they wouldn't do it - the cable was too enmeshed with the exact line of the fence. They have left.
They offered no alternative besides cutting my yard in 2 with a smaller fence.
Well, at least I wasn't charged for this. It's too bad that they will lose money on this project. That sucks.
I am sorely disappointed. I have done all this work and research to get a good company and called and got estimates, etc. etc. I can't blame the company, really. Any project is not worth injuring a worker, that's for sure. But jeez. I don't know what to do! It won't be any safer to have another company do the work. We really want a fenced-in yard because of the dogs.
Ah, the joys of home ownership.
The fence is old. It's really falling apart now, and some of the posts are so warped that the sides of the fence are wavy. It is time to replace it. In fact, it was probably time to replace it last year. I arranged for a company to do all the work - kind of expensive, but homes are expensive and this was clearly needed.
After waiting about 8 weeks from the original estimate, delayed because of the cool wet spring, we finally got scheduled to have the old fence demolished today.
The company came out this morning. They marched around the perimeter and shook their heads skeptically. They examined all the little flags the phone company and gas company and electric company and cable company had put in our yard marking buried cable. They looked at the puddles in the yard from this morning's rain.
It was too dangerous. They said they wouldn't do it - the cable was too enmeshed with the exact line of the fence. They have left.
They offered no alternative besides cutting my yard in 2 with a smaller fence.
Well, at least I wasn't charged for this. It's too bad that they will lose money on this project. That sucks.
I am sorely disappointed. I have done all this work and research to get a good company and called and got estimates, etc. etc. I can't blame the company, really. Any project is not worth injuring a worker, that's for sure. But jeez. I don't know what to do! It won't be any safer to have another company do the work. We really want a fenced-in yard because of the dogs.
Ah, the joys of home ownership.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
On Feminism
I was a child of the late 60s and 70s. I was raised in a time of protest and a time of unpopular war. I was raised with feminism - and being raised by strong women further encouraged my interest in feminism. Since, in my view, the gender wars were completed during the era of protest, I was convinced that the equality between the genders was solved and we were equal and society had evolved to a new level.
Imagine my surprise when I became an adult and learned that this just wasn't so!
Imagine my surprise when I found out, in college, that when I made out with a guy, I had been the "slut" and he had "scored?"
At work, why was I given all the writing assignments?? ("You take the minutes, OK, Lauren?") Why didn't I get to design the system architecture and the database?
When I tried to refer to my "boyfriend" as my "lover" (since "boyfriend" was such a childish, antiquated label), I sounded like a 'ho.
Where was all this progress, after all? And why did the protest die down? I thought it was because we'd "won." No, apparently not. I think it died down because the oppression got smarter and attacked feminism from other, more sneaky and covert means. It slowly changed society's norms to undermine the arguments of the feminists. And, it worked.
Some examples are (1) how reproductive rights became ugly and murderous; (2) how women are frequently frightened by the media that if they don't hurry up and have children now, they may never have children!! How horrendous that would be... every couple of months there's a new article or study or something that teaches us that our chance to have babies is perilously low!! Your fertility is waning, don't waste it! You only have so much time to fulfill yourself, so stop your career (and was it really that important, anyway?), and get on the mommy track.
Once you're on the mommy track, don't even think about getting back on the career track. Sure, you can work, but don't expect power - you've lost all those years, lost your edge - we know where your real priorities are, now, with a family. We can't trust you with responsibility or power.
If you didn't get on the Mommy track, we know you really wanted to, deep down. You're a bitter unfulfilled woman, aren't you? Can't keep your mind on work, huh?
If you're not a Mom, then you must be some kind of she-male. Or a dyke. What in the heck do we do with this oddity of nature? Marginalize her, but use her when it's advantageous, I guess....
Ahem.
Let me collect my thoughts. I got a bit carried away.
I am encouraged to see that feminism is not completely dead. That is my point in writing this post. Through the Very Short List I found the work of Jennifer Fox. I am captivated by her blog, so much so, in fact, that I added to my list, over there on the left. I want to read more of it. I am dying to see her movie. Her thoughts on the democratic race are much in line with mine...only she had more courage in her posting. The links to the other blogs on her sight lead to more intriguing places.
I've been a feminist for years. I am not a very vocal one because that is not in my nature (I'm not uber vocal about my Christianity, my vegetarianism, or my liberalism, either). I am so glad to see I am not alone.
Imagine my surprise when I became an adult and learned that this just wasn't so!
Imagine my surprise when I found out, in college, that when I made out with a guy, I had been the "slut" and he had "scored?"
At work, why was I given all the writing assignments?? ("You take the minutes, OK, Lauren?") Why didn't I get to design the system architecture and the database?
When I tried to refer to my "boyfriend" as my "lover" (since "boyfriend" was such a childish, antiquated label), I sounded like a 'ho.
Where was all this progress, after all? And why did the protest die down? I thought it was because we'd "won." No, apparently not. I think it died down because the oppression got smarter and attacked feminism from other, more sneaky and covert means. It slowly changed society's norms to undermine the arguments of the feminists. And, it worked.
Some examples are (1) how reproductive rights became ugly and murderous; (2) how women are frequently frightened by the media that if they don't hurry up and have children now, they may never have children!! How horrendous that would be... every couple of months there's a new article or study or something that teaches us that our chance to have babies is perilously low!! Your fertility is waning, don't waste it! You only have so much time to fulfill yourself, so stop your career (and was it really that important, anyway?), and get on the mommy track.
Once you're on the mommy track, don't even think about getting back on the career track. Sure, you can work, but don't expect power - you've lost all those years, lost your edge - we know where your real priorities are, now, with a family. We can't trust you with responsibility or power.
If you didn't get on the Mommy track, we know you really wanted to, deep down. You're a bitter unfulfilled woman, aren't you? Can't keep your mind on work, huh?
If you're not a Mom, then you must be some kind of she-male. Or a dyke. What in the heck do we do with this oddity of nature? Marginalize her, but use her when it's advantageous, I guess....
Ahem.
Let me collect my thoughts. I got a bit carried away.
I am encouraged to see that feminism is not completely dead. That is my point in writing this post. Through the Very Short List I found the work of Jennifer Fox. I am captivated by her blog, so much so, in fact, that I added to my list, over there on the left. I want to read more of it. I am dying to see her movie. Her thoughts on the democratic race are much in line with mine...only she had more courage in her posting. The links to the other blogs on her sight lead to more intriguing places.
I've been a feminist for years. I am not a very vocal one because that is not in my nature (I'm not uber vocal about my Christianity, my vegetarianism, or my liberalism, either). I am so glad to see I am not alone.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)