When a Loved One is in a Rehab Hospital: Part 2

What do I do when I visit?

I think a lot of people get uncomfortable when they visit family in a nursing home or rehab hospital because they don't know what to do when they do visit. Obviously, it depends on the health status of your family member and how much they can do, comprehend, or participate in.  Here are some suggestions, use as appropriate.

The important thing is to show up. It's lonely in a place like that. You don't have to go every day and stay for hours and hours, it's just really important that you go. Your loved one will recover better.

This post is a bit long, but once I got going, I kept remembering more things that worked well for Dad. I hope something works for you.

Read Aloud
Who doesn't like to be read to? It isn't just for bedtime stories for toddlers! Everyone likes a story or news or a letter. I believe there are two benefits:

• You are with your loved one.
• Your loved one hears your voice, which can be soothing and comforting.

This one is particularly good if your loved one is not very conscious. You may not know if they are awake but can't respond or if they are truly asleep and unaware. Nevertheless, at the very least, you get to read a story too.

1. Newspaper articles / stories
• Dad always wanted the sports section. I read them even though I really didn't care much about his teams, or basketball. I learned things about sports. At times, I'd ask for clarifications of name pronunciations, and Dad would provide it!
• Sometimes, I picked out local interest stories and business articles related to his former career.
2. Books
• Choose one that has fairly short chapters. A memoir or biography might be good because often they are written in conversational style (easier to read aloud). 
• Find a topic you both like. 
• Be committed to reading a chapter each time you visit.
• Try to pick a story that's not too steamy, gross, scary, or violent. Remember, you're reading this to your Mom or Dad!
• There's always religious topics like the Bible or books of devotions.
3. Short stories
• Find a book of short stories. Short is good because you don't tire or reading, and your loved one doesn't get mentally tired by complex plots and characters. 
• Magazine stories are good, too.

Obviously, choose positive subjects that aren't potentially sensitive to your loved one. For example, don't choose a story about a sumptuous cuisine to someone who can't eat!

Watch TV Together or Simply Sit Together

Your presence is enough. Often these places have a community room with a larger TV. Take your loved one down to watch there, instead of their room, if you can. A change of scenery is good.

It may be difficult for you to sit quietly. Find your inner peace and patience and try to just be in the moment, and be present. If this makes you anxious or uncomfortable, set a time limit so you don't feel like you're stuck: the end of the TV show, 30 minutes, etc.

Bring Little Goodies from the Outside World

They probably can't just get up and go to the store. Hospitals do provide much of this stuff (generics), but there's something so much nicer about having the brands that you like. Some ideas:

• If they can eat/drink:
• Starbucks Via Ready Brew
• Flavored Tea
• Uncommon but favorite seasonings (Soy sauce, Sriracha, hot pepper sauce, etc. Cost Plus World Market has lots of mini containers of condiments in their stores.) Hospital food can be very bland, and seniors often have diminished sense of taste.
• Fresh fruit or produce (Hospital meals are often over cooked, canned, processed food!)
• Self Care
• Lotion, lip balm, emery boards, nail clippers, high quality soap
• A tube of preferred toothpaste brand
• Craft supplies for a hobby like knitting, crochet, cross stitch, etc.
• Soft comfy socks. 
• A puzzle book, like crosswords, circle a word, or Sudoku and a pencil or two. A mechanical pencil is better - no sharpening!
• Something they can fiddle with in their hands, like a Rubik's cube or a stress ball. It's good for hand strength and fine motor skills. 
• Music, podcasts, earbuds, music player. (Like when you made a mix tape back in the 80s for your girlfriend....)

Bring Someone Else and Have a Conversation with All of You
Your loved one might enjoy being in the presence of adult conversation - conversation that isn't about healthcare. Remember to include everyone in the conversation so no one is left out. In my case, Dad never has been very conversational, but every so often, I'd direct a question or request to him. "Dad, this is like the time we...." etc. Dad enjoys listening to others' conversations - it reduces the "stress" of having to think of something to talk about.

Provide Physical Care

This might be a tough one, but it doesn't have to be so personal/invasive. Always ask permission first. Rehab facilities do the basics, but everyone likes a little extra care. Here are some ideas:

• Bring a nice scented lotion (for a woman) or an unscented one (man) and apply it gently to your loved one's hands. Their hands may be dirty, have them wash up first. 
• Men: Bring shaving equipment/lotions and give him a shave. Remember to bring the after shave (if your family member uses it) because they never have that at a rehab hospital.
• Comb/fix their hair. For a woman you could put it in a pretty clip, do a braid, put a headband in, etc. Some lightly scented hairspray could be nice. 
• Bring disposable wipes to clean their glasses well.
• For the adventurous: give a simple pedicure. You don't need nail polish! Buy some foot soak powder (like Johnson's Foot Soap) bring a foot-size basin, fill it up, and let them soak. 
• After their feet are clean:
• Rub with a cloth or towel gently
• Trim the nails
• Rub lotion in the feet and lower legs
• Disclaimer: again, use your judgment - some people, like diabetics, require special foot care by a professional.
• My thought: lots of elderly neglect their feet. But feet are important, especially if you want to keep walking and do your best in therapy.

Work a Jigsaw Puzzle

There are puzzles for just about every ability. There are large-piece puzzles with more general-appeal designs (although they do tend to be kid-focused...but keep looking!). I even found a puzzle that was designed with families in mind - it had large pieces for the kids and small pieces for the adults!

If you're doing a bigger one, see if you can do it in the activity room (or similar) and leave it there for a few days while you both work on it. Invite others to join you. It's a great way to meet other patients and their families.

Bring a Pet

Check with the facility first. Most facilities do allow a pet to visit and might require proof of vaccination. Of course, use your judgment whether your pet will be comfortable in this setting and if they have the manners to behave well (house trained, etc.). Small, older dogs are probably the best. 

You will become instantly popular. Expect lots of requests to pet your dog. It's a good idea to bring some treats because everyone will want to feed your dog a goodie. Better to have an appropriate goodie than items from a dinner tray!

See there are lots of things you can do! Mix it up with each visit - not every visit has to have an agenda.