But then it got interesting

Dad had his procedure but then had a complication from the surgery. A seizure. He had been waking up well after the surgery. His brain was irritated and let us know.

A phone call at 2:00am. Dad moved to the ICU. He stabilized and was moved to a step down unit. He stayed there for about 24 hours then moved to an acute care bed (a "regular" hospital bed).  Throughout this time, it was like he was asleep. He wouldn't open his eyes, but he would respond to questions, withdraw from pain, etc. Over the next few days his answers to questions got better, more correct. Tests showed he did not have a stroke that caused the seizure. As much as we know, we concluded that the brain irritation and a little bit of bleeding during the surgery caused the seizure.

Dad was supposed to stay over 1 night. I was only supposed to stay til Sunday. Now what?

My siblings stepped up. My brother is there now, and my sister comes next week. Then we will have to see what comes next.

My thoughts on the hospital:

• They're taking very good care of him. 
• I don't know how other families deal with such a crisis, especially if they aren't familiar with hospital procedures. The language, the concepts...it's very difficult. Add in emotional upset and stress and it's a disaster waiting to happen. It is so helpful I'm a nurse and I work in a hospital.
• We're starting to become aware of the protocols that must be followed in order to make sure Medicare will pay for my father's care. A single misstep could cause them to deny. It's going to be such fun playing this game. 
• My opinion of surgeons has not really been improved because of this experience. They aren't really accessible to the patient or family - too busy doing surgeries to deal with the day to day care of the patients who have complications from their surgeries. I think they might need to partner with another team that take over once the surgery is done.

I brought my little dog Trixie with me. It was so good to have a "therapy" dog with me! My sweet baby to come home to, take for walks, snuggle, and pet.

Traveling with the little dog was a bit of challenge. Trixie did not like being confined in the carrier and put under an airline seat. She whined and fussed, bit and dug at the carrier. On the trip home, she figured out how to open the carrier and nearly escape, the little stinker.

I'm going to have to think long and hard about taking her with me again. The visit was stressful enough without having to deal with a fussy dog.

On becoming a 'parent' to one's parents

On Saturday, two days time, I go to Virginia yet again to accompany my father through a surgery.  

We hired a caregiver for my dad last time I was there, in late October. It was a wonderfully strategic hire - now someone checks in on him and helps him remember his appointments. She assists with the legal stuff the family is trying to get done. She accompanies him to doctor's appointments. On the down side, now we know a little more just how bad is confusion and memory are. We can no longer ignore it. Clearly Dad needs help.

What to do, though? He insists on staying in Charlottesville, near no one in the family. He doesn't have friends and he doesn't belong to anything with strong social ties like a church, a club, or a senior center. He goes out and does things from time to time, but always alone.

If he moves to assisted living, his freedom will be curtailed. If he can't come and go as he pleases, then what is the benefit of staying in Charlottesville?

I am not eager for him to move here, though. My sister and brother are not keen on him moving to their home towns, either. I think any of us would step up if he stated a preference, but he does not. If he stays in Charlottesville in assisted living, none of us would see him very often. What would be the draw? No house, no place to stay for free, nothing to do with Dad, and eventually Dad will likely stop knowing who we are, so no meaningful connection.

Not that there's much of a meaningful connection now, while he still knows us.

I'm sure we'd all go see him out of obligation once in a long while. We could not be counted on for his care, entertainment, or emotional support, though. We could hire people.

It's all so sad.

There is the chance that this procedure will improve his memory and function, but I'm not holding my breath. Even if it does, though, it's merely delaying what's coming.  

One step at a time, I guess.