My Mom Died Today

I found out my Mom died yesterday.

I don't know anything what to do. I live about 1000 miles away, I can't get there. No one I've talked to knows anything - exactly how she died, what she died of, what we will do, if they need me.

I feel like I should be doing something or carrying on; but I'm kind of numb right now. Writing on a blog is kinda the best I can do. I started writing yesterday and finished up early this morning.

Here's the story: and I'm sure I'll tell it a hundred times in the next few weeks. Mom had multiple health problems, and to some extent, we knew she probably didn't have a lot of time left. Personally, I thought it would be a little more drawn out with multiple trips to the hospital and lots of pain.  Mom was 72.

Last night, my brother called, alarmed and worried because he had called (or she had - I'm not sure) and she didn't sound right. She sounded upset. She only talked for a few minutes - and Mom could talk on the phone for hours, usually about nothing. He asked me to call her. I did, and she picked up the phone pretty quickly. She sounded a little off, but there were several logical reasons she could sound this way.

The next day (this morning), she fell and Dad couldn't get her up. They called EMS to help and they got her back up. She did not go to the hospital then, since the fall was minor - Dad says she slid out of a chair.

The day proceeded as normal, according to Dad. She went to take her afternoon nap, which was her habit. When Dad went to wake her up, she didn't wake up. Dad called 911, but it was really too late.

I spoke with Dad later and I guess he's hanging in there as well as possible.

I'm scared. I'm worried. I don't know what it's going to be like without having Mom to talk on the phone to. She was the central figure of our family. Now who will keep the kin?

No, actually I do know how it will be. It's going to be sad and lonely and I'm going to have a big hole in my heart for a long while.