Eleanor Roosevelt called her episodes of depression "Griselda moods." I am experiencing one now, for the past week or so. It is rarely caused by one incident, usually a few downers happen at a time when I am vulnerable. Here I am...if my posts are somewhat melancholy for the next few weeks, this is why.
The following sequence of events caused my downturn. First, I learned that my friend who got me into the Summer Singers told me that she won't be able to sing this year after all. I don't know any one else in the group. Yeah, I know, I can meet people, and I probably will, yet I am disappointed. I skipped a rehearsal last week, and I gave myself some unnecessary guilt over that.
Then, the mediocre charge nurse performance. Then guilt about not getting my stuff done at work and going in on a Saturday. Only to be sent home early on Monday. I mean, really, people.
On Saturday night I went out for dinner with a women's group at my church. I keep hoping that group will be a community for me, but it keeps disappointing me. After a year, I am still the newbie, and the others all have a long history together. They talk about all the fun things they've done with their mutual friends. I do make an effort to change the topic of conversation to something I can participate in, but it doesn't succeed for long. And there's one woman who constantly expounds on how intelligent and insightful her little boy is. He just says and does the most *fascinating* things! Heh. I barely even know the 5 year old and I just don't find that kind of topic all that interesting. It makes me think there's a great disconnect between me and that group. Maybe I need a different group.
At work this week, I went in for my meeting (on my day off, might I add) and only two people showed up. I drove in on a day I didn't want to for the honor of being ignored. Great. At least I got paid.
And they wanted me to be charge nurse again this week, two days in a row. After my previous performance, I was hesitant and anxious about screwing up again. I did it anyway. I did OK - some mistakes, some successes (see my post from yesterday).
During the week, I got an email from an old friend from North Carolina, whom I haven't heard from since December 2007. The email was basically: Hi - how are you - I know I haven't written, but I've been so busy, it's just crazy - can't wait to hear from you again - more later...
I replied with a nice update on my life now. Realistically, I expect to hear from her again sometime about January 2009 after she receives her Christmas Card. Hrmph. At least I was pretty sure this is where his friendship was going to go when we moved.
The latest thing happened last night. We had poker at our house and it was poorly attended. We haven't had a group together in at least 6-8 weeks since the last time we hosted at our house, and we were getting concerned the group was falling apart. It looks like it is....the keystone guy who had kept it running got married last year and now there's a rugrat on the way. He has fallen off the face of the earth. We will probably never hear from him again.
I hate that. I mean, what the fuck? Why to people think they have to do that? They just turn their back on their friends when they become parents, give up their previous life and disappear forever?
But, I know, I know, this is the way life is. This is the way people are. He'll probably pop back into our lives 2 or 3 more times over the next 2 years, and then he'll be gone completely. When the second one is born. Then he'll have his midlife crisis because he whacked out his life and resents it. Then they'll divorce. All that bullshit.
It makes me angry and sad. I do not like to be rejected (who does?). I hear the message that despite earlier evidence to the contrary, I am not important. I also do not like my social calendar messed up - I mean, poker was something my husband and I did together, and I scheduled my calendar around it. I tried not to work on Fridays, specifically for poker. Now it looks like either we (or the one other die-hard) will have to take over the group. It is at high risk of failing.
Now, I feel lonely. Indeed I can (and do) seek others out. I keep busy. I do my strategies as I've described in a previous post. I think this mood is going to be one I will function through but have to wait out.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
The charge nurse
Despite having conflicting feelings about being a charge nurse, I did it again this week. Twice.
The charge nurse (or unit coordinator, as we officially call it) is a role where you are responsible for the assignments of the nurses to patients, the influx and outflow of patients from a unit, and the main contact for all things that go on in the unit during your shift. I work in a busy outpatient area so there are lots of comings and goings.
In some ways, it is the management of the bin-packing problem in real life. A little translation for all you computer people out there.
The computer people will also know that the bin-packing problem is NP-complete, meaning it is impossible to solve optimally real time. Nevertheless, life is full of such problems and we have to work within them.
Patients come to us in a pseudo-random fashion with different needs and requirements. We have to put them in a room with a nurse assignment, get them ready for procedure (which is a variable task), and recover them (which is also variable). We have capacities - number of rooms, number of nurses, number of techs, etc. The labs that we supply and receive patients from has a different capacity than we have - they get patients in and out faster than we do. They have fewer rooms, though.
So the task involves the simple numbers game as well as various heuristics - how long do we think we'll have to recover, how much of a prep do we have to do, how many patients does each nurse have, what time of day is it, and more. Experience helps with anticipating how things will go.
Another responsibility of the charge nurse is to keep everyone happy (as much as possible). By "happy" I mean that their needs are met. The doctors, your staff, your peer organizations, your manager, the housekeepers (who clean up the rooms between patients), and indirectly, the patients, all demand attention from the charge nurse. Naturally personalities come into play! Additionally, everyone sees the charge nurse's role a little differently depending on the needs they have. Everyone expects their needs to be served exclusively. Yeah, no kidding.
Personally, I liked the challenge. It touches on those industrial engineering urges I had years ago in undergraduate college - I took one IE/CS course and I thought it was kinda cool. Optimization problems. Efficiency. Math. Neat-o. It's like playing Tetris in real life.
The personality dimension of the job is my challenge. Like I said, everyone sees the charge nurse's actions from their own perspective and prejudice, and not everyone is self-aware enough to consider, even for a moment, that maybe there are other forces that resulted in a particular decision. Some people will assume that "you hate them." Or "you're out to get them." Or you're just looking for a chance to "screw them over" or tell them how "dumb they are," and how much "smarter/ cooler/ powerful you are." Some people will conclude that you're incompetent. Then they react to you angrily. Or, they play the two-faced game in which they act all nice to you, but bitch about it behind your back to their peers. I think that's a typical female tactic, although...I've seen the male doctors do that crap, too. Instead of their peers, they complain to the manager.
These things are, in fact, their own problems, and everyone has a moment now and again. Yet, I am sensitive to this - I try so hard to be fair and equitable... but sometimes, the situation is just difficult. I am a highly conscientious person, and to be perceived as careless or spiteful is vexing!
To be completely honest, of course I have my own problems too which I try to put aside. I am human and prone to react to similar (perceived) assaults on the self.
The nurse that was rehired a few months ago (whom I posted about) knows just how to push my buttons. Last week when I was charge nurse for the first time, she did it. As charge nurse, you really can't just avoid someone, like a floor nurse can, and in trying to act as the charge nurse, I apparently got "in her stuff" too much. Then, two days ago she was also on staff when I was charge nurse. I tried a different strategy - staying out of her stuff, only touching base when necessary. That seemed to work...we'll see if that's a viable tactic in the future. I might need to get some feedback or do some reading on how to deal with difficult people in a management position.
I did like the problem, the communication, the juggling. It was scary and exhilarating when things got really busy mid afternoon yesterday. With practice, I think I'll be able to keep my cool better. Each day I worked as charge nurse, I got a little bit better and I would anticipate that trend to continue.
I wonder if I could create a simulation program to develop a schedule and assignments. I see a number of factors I could encode or represent statistically. For example, the flow of patients through our unit seems to be a true random distribution, not evenly distributed at all. I wonder if there are other distributions that could model behaviors on our unit. I see such a program as a management assistance tool - like initial assignments and a reference as the day progresses.
Eh, just a thought. I'll see if this problem bugs me enough to give it a try.
Maybe this is my million dollar idea???
What is a charge nurse?
The charge nurse (or unit coordinator, as we officially call it) is a role where you are responsible for the assignments of the nurses to patients, the influx and outflow of patients from a unit, and the main contact for all things that go on in the unit during your shift. I work in a busy outpatient area so there are lots of comings and goings.
In some ways, it is the management of the bin-packing problem in real life. A little translation for all you computer people out there.
The computer people will also know that the bin-packing problem is NP-complete, meaning it is impossible to solve optimally real time. Nevertheless, life is full of such problems and we have to work within them.
Patients come to us in a pseudo-random fashion with different needs and requirements. We have to put them in a room with a nurse assignment, get them ready for procedure (which is a variable task), and recover them (which is also variable). We have capacities - number of rooms, number of nurses, number of techs, etc. The labs that we supply and receive patients from has a different capacity than we have - they get patients in and out faster than we do. They have fewer rooms, though.
So the task involves the simple numbers game as well as various heuristics - how long do we think we'll have to recover, how much of a prep do we have to do, how many patients does each nurse have, what time of day is it, and more. Experience helps with anticipating how things will go.
Another responsibility of the charge nurse is to keep everyone happy (as much as possible). By "happy" I mean that their needs are met. The doctors, your staff, your peer organizations, your manager, the housekeepers (who clean up the rooms between patients), and indirectly, the patients, all demand attention from the charge nurse. Naturally personalities come into play! Additionally, everyone sees the charge nurse's role a little differently depending on the needs they have. Everyone expects their needs to be served exclusively. Yeah, no kidding.
My Experience in the Charge Nurse Role
Personally, I liked the challenge. It touches on those industrial engineering urges I had years ago in undergraduate college - I took one IE/CS course and I thought it was kinda cool. Optimization problems. Efficiency. Math. Neat-o. It's like playing Tetris in real life.
The personality dimension of the job is my challenge. Like I said, everyone sees the charge nurse's actions from their own perspective and prejudice, and not everyone is self-aware enough to consider, even for a moment, that maybe there are other forces that resulted in a particular decision. Some people will assume that "you hate them." Or "you're out to get them." Or you're just looking for a chance to "screw them over" or tell them how "dumb they are," and how much "smarter/ cooler/ powerful you are." Some people will conclude that you're incompetent. Then they react to you angrily. Or, they play the two-faced game in which they act all nice to you, but bitch about it behind your back to their peers. I think that's a typical female tactic, although...I've seen the male doctors do that crap, too. Instead of their peers, they complain to the manager.
These things are, in fact, their own problems, and everyone has a moment now and again. Yet, I am sensitive to this - I try so hard to be fair and equitable... but sometimes, the situation is just difficult. I am a highly conscientious person, and to be perceived as careless or spiteful is vexing!
To be completely honest, of course I have my own problems too which I try to put aside. I am human and prone to react to similar (perceived) assaults on the self.
The nurse that was rehired a few months ago (whom I posted about) knows just how to push my buttons. Last week when I was charge nurse for the first time, she did it. As charge nurse, you really can't just avoid someone, like a floor nurse can, and in trying to act as the charge nurse, I apparently got "in her stuff" too much. Then, two days ago she was also on staff when I was charge nurse. I tried a different strategy - staying out of her stuff, only touching base when necessary. That seemed to work...we'll see if that's a viable tactic in the future. I might need to get some feedback or do some reading on how to deal with difficult people in a management position.
I did like the problem, the communication, the juggling. It was scary and exhilarating when things got really busy mid afternoon yesterday. With practice, I think I'll be able to keep my cool better. Each day I worked as charge nurse, I got a little bit better and I would anticipate that trend to continue.
Future
I wonder if I could create a simulation program to develop a schedule and assignments. I see a number of factors I could encode or represent statistically. For example, the flow of patients through our unit seems to be a true random distribution, not evenly distributed at all. I wonder if there are other distributions that could model behaviors on our unit. I see such a program as a management assistance tool - like initial assignments and a reference as the day progresses.
Eh, just a thought. I'll see if this problem bugs me enough to give it a try.
Maybe this is my million dollar idea???
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Remarkable Things I've Done
Here are some things I've really done that I think are pretty amazing. They are in no particular order.
Serving as a charge nurse was, well, interesting. I have wanted to do it for a while and was honored when they finally asked. It wasn't terrible, and it wasn't great. I'll have to think a bit more about it and digest the experience before I write more.
- Made a CD with a choral group
- Performed a Senior Recital in college
- Have a patented invention
- Earned a living as an independent contractor
- Made several quilts
- Taught a college class (One class, not a whole semester, but still...)
- Earned a Master's Degree
- Changed careers at age 40
- Published a several papers at research conferences
- Forgave a debt ...and learned never to loan money to friends
- Avoided getting a speeding ticket
- Reviewed several technical books before they were published
- Sang at Duke Chapel
- Managed a group software developers
- Learned Spanish and Japanese on my own
- Saw a baby being born
- Earned the Arc of Epsilon Pi
- Got a 4.0 average one semester in undergraduate college
- And, just today, served as a charge nurse at a major hospital for a unit
Serving as a charge nurse was, well, interesting. I have wanted to do it for a while and was honored when they finally asked. It wasn't terrible, and it wasn't great. I'll have to think a bit more about it and digest the experience before I write more.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Mixed Nuts
I have been browsing other people's blogger blogs. Mine is so plain. However, I don't have the motivation to make it that much better. I like the theme I've chosen, with the orange colors and such. Ironically, in real life, I don't like orange at all.
Last week that kid that I blogged about was back. I literally felt ill to my stomach when I saw him on the schedule. Fortunately, I was not assigned to him, and I just steered clear. He was somewhat better behaved for the other nurse.
Bastard.
For at least the third time, I was assigned a family member of someone who works in my hospital. I wonder if this is coincidence or what. The family member was fine. The person who worked at my hospital, let's call her Mabel, behaved pretty well. However, she thinks I'm a big doofus. And as luck would have it, I made all kinds of rookie mistakes while she was in the room - nothing harmful, just things that made me look dumb. I succeeded in looking like a total dork. Oddly, it didn't bother me that much - Mabel no longer works in a department related to mine, so I don't see her much anymore. No love lost there. It was rather nauseating to see all the former coworkers cooing over Mabel. She wasn't everyone's friend.
Hm. Come to think of it, the doctors were the one who were gushing. Her former peers kinda kept their distance.
I found another fence contractor who will do the job. This is good. I think I'll hire them.
I like my church. I have an odd philosophy about church - I am in it only for me.
I mean this in the sense that I go to church for my well-being and for my relationship with God. Not because I expect others to want me there. Not because anyone is supposed to care whether I show up or not. Not because I am a member and I'm supposed to be there. Not because there's any social benefit in my being seen, my participating in any committee, or my popularity as a performer. Not because my husband wants me to go (which never happens). No, I go for me.
These external motivations never fail to disappoint. If I don't show up, no one gives a damn. No one asks where's Lauren? We haven't seen Lauren and Mr. in weeks. Wonder where they are? Nope.
In my previous church I even stopped pledging money. No one asked me why. No one asked me to give more. No one thanked me for giving as much as I did.
I am anonymous. However, God has saved me from several difficult situations and saved my life. I am a devoted servant, albeit an imperfect one. God knows. I go to church anyway.
Patients
Last week that kid that I blogged about was back. I literally felt ill to my stomach when I saw him on the schedule. Fortunately, I was not assigned to him, and I just steered clear. He was somewhat better behaved for the other nurse.
Bastard.
For at least the third time, I was assigned a family member of someone who works in my hospital. I wonder if this is coincidence or what. The family member was fine. The person who worked at my hospital, let's call her Mabel, behaved pretty well. However, she thinks I'm a big doofus. And as luck would have it, I made all kinds of rookie mistakes while she was in the room - nothing harmful, just things that made me look dumb. I succeeded in looking like a total dork. Oddly, it didn't bother me that much - Mabel no longer works in a department related to mine, so I don't see her much anymore. No love lost there. It was rather nauseating to see all the former coworkers cooing over Mabel. She wasn't everyone's friend.
Hm. Come to think of it, the doctors were the one who were gushing. Her former peers kinda kept their distance.
House Stuff
I found another fence contractor who will do the job. This is good. I think I'll hire them.
Church
I like my church. I have an odd philosophy about church - I am in it only for me.
I mean this in the sense that I go to church for my well-being and for my relationship with God. Not because I expect others to want me there. Not because anyone is supposed to care whether I show up or not. Not because I am a member and I'm supposed to be there. Not because there's any social benefit in my being seen, my participating in any committee, or my popularity as a performer. Not because my husband wants me to go (which never happens). No, I go for me.
These external motivations never fail to disappoint. If I don't show up, no one gives a damn. No one asks where's Lauren? We haven't seen Lauren and Mr. in weeks. Wonder where they are? Nope.
In my previous church I even stopped pledging money. No one asked me why. No one asked me to give more. No one thanked me for giving as much as I did.
I am anonymous. However, God has saved me from several difficult situations and saved my life. I am a devoted servant, albeit an imperfect one. God knows. I go to church anyway.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Realization.
Holy shit.
I live in Kansas.
I have lived here 4 years. I am no longer a newcomer.
Eh, it's just middle aged angst. Really.
I live in Kansas.
I have lived here 4 years. I am no longer a newcomer.
Eh, it's just middle aged angst. Really.
Negative
Despite the daily horoscope giving me a 5-star day, I am negative today. Weather again. It has been gray and rainy and yukky humid. At least it's warm...but the gray diminishes the light. It brightened up by late afternoon and I celebrated by walking the dogs. We all enjoyed it.
I really oughta move to the equator where the days don't change.
Work was OK today. Our usual early person is out on vacation for a few weeks, and I am taking some of her early shifts. Today was one of them. I got into work at 6:00 am, which is awfully early for me. Turned out, it was not a busy day...I ended up clocking out at approximately 3:15 pm. I will be short hours this week, undoubtedly. I don't like when it's so slow at work. I get to feeling useless. If I am useless at work, then why can't I go do something else? I hate wasting my energy on nothingness. Bleh, and I couldn't get my IV on my guy either. He had leather skin.
I got home and I was tired. I am tired a lot. I nap a lot. In fact, I napped again today. I generally get enough sleep at night, I just like to nap and I have gotten in the habit. If I was motivated I could have gone to the Monday yoga class. I was not so motivated. I plan to do yoga tomorrow morning. I have greater motivation in the morning.
At the suggestion of my choir director at church, I had signed up for the Summer Singers of Kansas City. It's a no-audition group that meets during the summer only. We'll put on one concert in August. I thought it would be fun - my first rehearsal was last Tuesday evening, and I thought it was OK. It usually takes me a while to warm up to a new group and feel a part of it. I was hoping for instant infatuation, no such luck. Seems like a nice group people, and I was pleased to see that I actually knew some of the music for the program. Curiously, one of the sopranos in my section is blind and she seems to have braille music - fascinating.
The garden looks great. I pulled an onion for a salad last week, and I found it very exciting. A darling little onion - who knew I could grow an onion? Small wonder....
The radishes are mostly duds - I suspect my fertilization ratio is not optimal for root crops. After I realized the roots were all underdeveloped, I put down some fertilizer with a higher phosphorus percentage on the radish section and the carrot sections. I hope it will have a positive impact on the carrots. I think it's too late for the remaining radishes and I may try again in the early fall. I will replace the radish section with a bush bean, which is sprouting inside right now. It's a wax bean, actually. I'm not too fond of green beans.
Last Tuesday, I was chewed out by a member of my quilt guild. She had asked to be in a quilt bee (I coordinate them) and I did some work to get her into one, but it fell through. It was partially my fault, partially communication problems, and partially circumstance. Made me feel like quitting the guild, she was so mean. True I let her down, but jeez, this is a volunteer thing.
I knew the feeling would pass (it did) and I learned something about her. She's really blunt and opinionated.
I did buy the pattern for Aunt Millie's Garden. I am contemplating how to make it - I'm not sure I want a red background. However, it does make an impact! New projects are fun.
My real weekend starts tomorrow. I have 2 days off! Cleaning, chores, quilting, baking, and enjoying my new chaise lounge sitting under the birch tree in the back yard. A new fence contractor comes out tomorrow. I hope it will work out.
I really oughta move to the equator where the days don't change.
Work was OK today. Our usual early person is out on vacation for a few weeks, and I am taking some of her early shifts. Today was one of them. I got into work at 6:00 am, which is awfully early for me. Turned out, it was not a busy day...I ended up clocking out at approximately 3:15 pm. I will be short hours this week, undoubtedly. I don't like when it's so slow at work. I get to feeling useless. If I am useless at work, then why can't I go do something else? I hate wasting my energy on nothingness. Bleh, and I couldn't get my IV on my guy either. He had leather skin.
I got home and I was tired. I am tired a lot. I nap a lot. In fact, I napped again today. I generally get enough sleep at night, I just like to nap and I have gotten in the habit. If I was motivated I could have gone to the Monday yoga class. I was not so motivated. I plan to do yoga tomorrow morning. I have greater motivation in the morning.
Singing
At the suggestion of my choir director at church, I had signed up for the Summer Singers of Kansas City. It's a no-audition group that meets during the summer only. We'll put on one concert in August. I thought it would be fun - my first rehearsal was last Tuesday evening, and I thought it was OK. It usually takes me a while to warm up to a new group and feel a part of it. I was hoping for instant infatuation, no such luck. Seems like a nice group people, and I was pleased to see that I actually knew some of the music for the program. Curiously, one of the sopranos in my section is blind and she seems to have braille music - fascinating.
Gardening
The garden looks great. I pulled an onion for a salad last week, and I found it very exciting. A darling little onion - who knew I could grow an onion? Small wonder....
The radishes are mostly duds - I suspect my fertilization ratio is not optimal for root crops. After I realized the roots were all underdeveloped, I put down some fertilizer with a higher phosphorus percentage on the radish section and the carrot sections. I hope it will have a positive impact on the carrots. I think it's too late for the remaining radishes and I may try again in the early fall. I will replace the radish section with a bush bean, which is sprouting inside right now. It's a wax bean, actually. I'm not too fond of green beans.
Quilting
Last Tuesday, I was chewed out by a member of my quilt guild. She had asked to be in a quilt bee (I coordinate them) and I did some work to get her into one, but it fell through. It was partially my fault, partially communication problems, and partially circumstance. Made me feel like quitting the guild, she was so mean. True I let her down, but jeez, this is a volunteer thing.
I knew the feeling would pass (it did) and I learned something about her. She's really blunt and opinionated.
I did buy the pattern for Aunt Millie's Garden. I am contemplating how to make it - I'm not sure I want a red background. However, it does make an impact! New projects are fun.
Weekend
My real weekend starts tomorrow. I have 2 days off! Cleaning, chores, quilting, baking, and enjoying my new chaise lounge sitting under the birch tree in the back yard. A new fence contractor comes out tomorrow. I hope it will work out.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Sex and the City
Yes I saw the movie. I liked it a lot. It was kinda like seeing old friends again....
When I first heard about the series, I didn't think I'd like it. My husband bought it on DVD after it was over and we went through the episodes sequentially. I was smitten. This show spoke to me, even though I was married.
Why? What was it about this presentation of the female milieu that touched me so?
It was very much like my life, I guess. I married relatively "late" - I was 31. I was financially independent and quite well off, so I completely understood the independent life. I was far from my family and had to find support and community from friends instead. I had gay friends. And I dated many guys similar to those depicted in the show.
In fact, I think I ended up marrying a "Harry." I dated a "Berger" who was both intrigued and frightened of my independence and success. That ended similarly. There's one episode of Sex and the City called "The Valley of Twenty-Something Guys" - I went there too! Was about as successful as Carrie was there, too... I dated an "addicted" guy like the recovering alcoholic in one episode. I dated a terrific guy that was more in love with me than I was with him, and I wished I could be right for him. I tried; it didn't fit.
I knew what it was like to be the odd single out when everyone else got married. It's similar now - I'm the odd childless out when everyone else is going to soccer games and ballet recitals. I knew what it was like to be the single one at the funeral, like Miranda when her mother died.
I struggled with intimacy like the characters did. I was somewhat sexually liberated like the characters - one criticism I have of the show is that there were few consequences for the free sex enjoyed by the characters. No one gets AIDS or herpes, and the show in which Miranda contemplates an abortion only mentions abortions of the characters in the past. Yeah, one infection of crabs, but that was treated comically and easily fixed.
Which kind of implies that if you're smart enough you don't have these consequences. In my life, this is true, but I don't think it's always the case. And like I said, I wasn't quite so "free" sexually as these characters. I loved deeply. I screwed up relationships. I experiences some really strange encounters with men. And I did some dangerous things at times. Ah youth. That's what it's for.
Back to the movie.
As a thoughtful person, I couldn't help but wonder a few things. (warning - may be spoilers)
Most of this was drama for the movie - we needed an excuse to get the girls all back together. I thought that the lesson of forgiveness was nicely woven into the plot among several characters. It was nice to see Charlotte become pregnant. I was glad everyone got back together. And I'm also glad the story had the characters growing up. When I watch the older episodes, the characters' maturity is much younger. This is as life is - satisfying.
When I first heard about the series, I didn't think I'd like it. My husband bought it on DVD after it was over and we went through the episodes sequentially. I was smitten. This show spoke to me, even though I was married.
Why? What was it about this presentation of the female milieu that touched me so?
It was very much like my life, I guess. I married relatively "late" - I was 31. I was financially independent and quite well off, so I completely understood the independent life. I was far from my family and had to find support and community from friends instead. I had gay friends. And I dated many guys similar to those depicted in the show.
In fact, I think I ended up marrying a "Harry." I dated a "Berger" who was both intrigued and frightened of my independence and success. That ended similarly. There's one episode of Sex and the City called "The Valley of Twenty-Something Guys" - I went there too! Was about as successful as Carrie was there, too... I dated an "addicted" guy like the recovering alcoholic in one episode. I dated a terrific guy that was more in love with me than I was with him, and I wished I could be right for him. I tried; it didn't fit.
I knew what it was like to be the odd single out when everyone else got married. It's similar now - I'm the odd childless out when everyone else is going to soccer games and ballet recitals. I knew what it was like to be the single one at the funeral, like Miranda when her mother died.
I struggled with intimacy like the characters did. I was somewhat sexually liberated like the characters - one criticism I have of the show is that there were few consequences for the free sex enjoyed by the characters. No one gets AIDS or herpes, and the show in which Miranda contemplates an abortion only mentions abortions of the characters in the past. Yeah, one infection of crabs, but that was treated comically and easily fixed.
Which kind of implies that if you're smart enough you don't have these consequences. In my life, this is true, but I don't think it's always the case. And like I said, I wasn't quite so "free" sexually as these characters. I loved deeply. I screwed up relationships. I experiences some really strange encounters with men. And I did some dangerous things at times. Ah youth. That's what it's for.
Back to the movie.
As a thoughtful person, I couldn't help but wonder a few things. (warning - may be spoilers)
- If Carrie and John have been together so long, why did she completely turn her back on him when he got cold feet for the wedding? He realized what he was doing and came back, in dramatic fashion. Why didn't she have some underlying trust? That's what you build in a long term relationship.
- I had a hard time believing Steve really would have sex with someone else, despite the difficult state of his marriage to Miranda. He knew what she was like. I just can't see that loyal-puppy-dog guy getting himself into a situation where sex with another woman was even possible.
- And, Miranda immediately turned her back on him and left. Given the state of their marriage, such a thing can happen. Why didn't she even consider forgiveness until much later?
- Why did John even get cold feet? He knew what was going on with the wedding. He knew how Carrie was.
- Don't any of these characters have any family? Moms, Dads, sisters, brothers, cousins...?
Most of this was drama for the movie - we needed an excuse to get the girls all back together. I thought that the lesson of forgiveness was nicely woven into the plot among several characters. It was nice to see Charlotte become pregnant. I was glad everyone got back together. And I'm also glad the story had the characters growing up. When I watch the older episodes, the characters' maturity is much younger. This is as life is - satisfying.
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