Interestingly, as I look back on my life, I observe that my life doesn't just happen to me. Serendipitous things don't occur randomly.
Only rarely do unplanned things happen. So far, my very few unplanned life events have been negative.
Like the time the apartment house I lived in had a fire. Wiped out the place. That sucked.
My life is characterized as a series of events I make happen. I never fall into things, like unexpected pregnancies, fortuitous professional opportunities, random relocations, surprising social events. I make my own luck, I make my own future. For instance: I study, I pass tests, I earn degrees, I decide on a career I want, I become what I want to be. I wanted certain behaviors to stop, so I put myself in therapy. I wanted to get married (at a certain age) so I decided to date more of "the marrying kind." Now, I'm married. I wanted to sing more, so I took lessons and learned how to audition, tried out for a chorus, and got decent at it. Now I sing some.
I am comfortable with this. For one thing, I feel empowered, and I have no doubt that I am NOT a victim of circumstance. It's quite a luxury, really.
Life is more random than it appears to me, so I understand. To have an interesting, quality life, it takes my effort, and only my effort. I fear the randomness. I fear that wouldn't how to deal with it.
Sometimes I wish someone would take care of these things instead of me. It gets tiresome.
Oh, what the hell am I complaining about? I am so blessed.
See? This is the darkness talking again...
No comments:
Post a Comment