Christmas 2011

Watching football on Christmas with Dad.

Last night we went to our church. I played with my informal clarinet quartet as the prelude. We played three settings of Christmas songs I found at sheetmusicplus.com. There's not much out there for clarinet quartet for Christmas. Guess I'd better try writing something - setting some carols or something like that. Nevertheless, when the music is written for clarinet quartet, it sounds better than a transposition of a quartet for some other grouping of instruments.

The service was very nice, but lasted longer than I would have liked. Since I was playing in the quartet and singing in the choir, I got there at about 9:45, and we left at almost 12:30.  That's a long time.

In the morning we had a nice breakfast and then went to mass with Dad; he's Catholic, I am not. I don't mind going to mass every once in a while. It's very similar to the protestant Christian denominations, with more ceremony, accoutrements, and memorized sections than I am used to. The mass lasted longer than I would have liked. The archbishop celebrated mass with the church we chose, and certainly that contributed to the length of the service and the large crowd. (Since I'm not a Catholic and I don't know the Catholic churches around here, I found the church via Google Maps, searching close to my house. Hey, whatever works.) Incidentally, the church website did not mention the archbishop presiding.

Big church. Kansas is really good at growing large churches; everyone seems to go to church, here.

Dinner consisted of homemade spanakopita, carrot and raisin salad, and a dinner roll. For a beverage, I bought a bottle of Cava, a sparkling wine from Spain - it was very good. I keep hearing about it on The Splendid Table and elsewhere; I had to give it a try. I purchased Poema Extra Dry at the recommendation of the salesperson at my local liquor emporium. Pretty good - I'm now a fan! I think it ran around $13.

Dessert was my favorite Christmas cookies: Toffee squares and Date Nut Pinwheels (recipes from Betty Crocker's Cooky Book).

Good food. nice weather, a little bit of God...all in all a good Christmas.

My Favorite Christmas Carols

I have sung in choirs for many years even at Christmas time and have sung many settings of Christmas carols. The song of popular culture don't always do it for me - they sound a bit manic at times (Happy! Presents! Santa! Snow!).

Here are some carols I really like this year:

In the Bleak Midwinter: I like this one because of its mournful longing sad tone. The tone is foreboding of Jesus's sacrifice to save humanity, yet there is an underlying theme of great love To me it sounds like God is saying "I know what I've come here to do, and I'm going to do it anyway."

O Come, O Come Emmanuel: This is another carol with a minor/modal tonality with with a feeling of longing.   It sounds like a Jewish song to me - the Jewish people crying out to God to send the savior.  I imagine they could continue to sing it today. Christians sing it as a way to represent the historical longing that was fulfilled in Jesus Christ, before he came to us.  It's in Dorian mode, which makes for interesting listening and singing, in this world of rigidly 8 note scale

Hoo boy, digging into the recesses of my memory of music history for that one.

The Holly and the Ivy: I used to think this was the stupidest hymn ever. What does the running of the deer and a holly prickle have to do with Mary bearing Jesus Christ?  It seemed like someone wanted to sing a secular folk tune about woodland plants, then threw in the Christian reference to make the song acceptable, because the priest said they had to. Then.... then..... I figured it out. It's a long simile for the birth and life of Jesus. Sometimes I'm kinda slow.

Into the more popular hymns:

Angels We Have Heard On High: Love the harmony on the "Glorias."

The Christmas Song: Another one that is good to sing and gives a feeling of warmth.

Morning Star: Moravians are a small Protestant Christian denomication that has a relatively large concentration in central North Carolina. We used to live there and I was intrigued by them - I had never heard of them prior to moving the the Raleigh area. One year we went to an authentic love feast at a Moravian church and it was awesome. Morning Star is their "favorite" hymn, called the Moravian "Silent Night." It's a simple folk tune, but sweet and kind.

If I think of any more, I'll post some more. I need to get a move on today!

My Stephen Minister

A Stephen Minister from my church is helping me get through all the emotional turmoil of losing my Mom about 6 months ago. She helps me a lot, and most of the time we don't really talk about mourning or sadness or how I miss my mom. But having that support, having someone to talk to about the times when little things make me think of Mom, is really helpful. 

I am doing well with my grieving, and I probably won't need a Stephen Minister any more in the near future. I want to get through the holidays with her available, and see how that goes. 

Last time we met, we talked about closing the official Stephen Ministry relationship. We both expressed that we'd like to be friends afterwards. That's nice, and I'm pleased. Then she said something that struck me as odd: one reason she enjoys me is because I speak with a big vocabulary. 

Hm.

I have never thought of myself as having a big vocabulary. At least not in that way....I don't know. I try hard not to sound pretentious or stuck up by using words to impress or confuse, but the fact is, I know words and I like to use them whenever appropriate. My main goal is to communicate clearly. 

I guess the comment just made me think. I like being thought of as having a big vocabulary. 

Geico Commercials

And now for something completely different.

We watch a lot of our TV via Hulu. We gave up satellite, never had cable, and now we watch over the air TV and recorded shows. Occasionally we'll buy a program on iTunes.

You can't skip over the ads on Hulu. Fortunately, there aren't too many commercials. Unfortunately, there aren't many sponsors, so you get to see the same ads over and over and over again.  Geico happens to be a sponsor of Hulu shows we watch and we see their ads repeatedly.  For the past several months, all they run are the ads showing the announcer guy saying "Would switching to Geico really save you 15% or more on car insurance?" The next sentence is a truism or saying that's obviously true, but they interpret it creatively.

Examples of the second sentence are "Whaddya live under a rock?" or "Do dogs chase cats?" or "Is the pen mightier than the sword?"

I invented a simple game - try to guess what will be the second sentence.  The announcer guy says the first sentence almost identical each time, so it's a little tricky... I suppose if I paid close attention to the ads I'd detect differences in his tone, timing, expression. But, what's the fun in that?

It would be an awesome drinking game - if you get it wrong, you have to drink.  If you don't guess, you have to drink.  If you get it right, everyone else drinks.....or something like that.

For me, it's just a fun way to make the commercials go by faster.

I like those ads. I especially like:

• Did this little piggy go "wee wee wee" all the way home?
• Would Foghorn Leghorn make a really bad book narrator?
• I like how the chicken hawk grabs the club and stalks off camera. Moment later you hear a whack...then..."auugh."  Hilarious.
• Do people use smart phones to do dumb things?
• Yep. I have the brostache app.

A Ride on the Southwest Chief - part 2

I did not have a lot of trouble sleeping in the car. I woke up a few times, and I was a little paranoid about rolling out of the upper bunk, but overall not bad. The bunks were on the firm side, probably as a result of the thin mattress. A Benadryl helped me get some sleep. The temperature in the cabin was alright - hot then cold then hot again. We managed to adjust it well enough to be comfortable.

When we awoke, it was about 7:30am, and we were nearly in Colorado. I didn't notice the stops in Kansas while we were sleeping - the train stops and starts very smoothly. The dining car attendant made an announcement over the intercom that there were seats available for breakfast and we decided to go. We cleaned up a bit, changed clothes, and made it to the next car for some food.

Breakfast was pretty good. The menu is limited, including a "continental breakfast," French toast, scrambled eggs, and the omelet of the day. We were seated with a gentleman going home to California after visiting his daughter in Kansas. The meal started with a welcome cup of coffee.

I had the continental, and I chose the steel cut oatmeal (the other choice is cold cereal). You also get fresh fruit (a grapefruit half and a small dish of strawberries), Activia yogurt (which I don't eat because it has gelatin), milk and brown sugar and raisins for the oatmeal, and a choice of bread (I had the cinnamon raisin toast).   The oatmeal was quite good and hit the spot, and the fruit was fresh and juicy. Unfortunately, the  brown sugar for the oatmeal was rather dried out. Dear husband had the French toast and said it was tasty. Our booth-mate ordered the omelet.  It looked pretty good.

Meals are included in the fare if you get a sleeper car. If you're in coach you have to pay for meals.  It isn't cheap, but it's not bad, running between $8.00-$12.00 per entree or so.

Then back to the room to watch the world go by. We folded up the upper bunk, packed up the lower bunk mattress, and set up the two face to face seats. Now we had ourselves a little cubby to camp out.

Had I been paying attention, I would have taken more pictures to document the journey - you'd think after blogging for 4 years, I would know better.  What can I say... I'm more of a writer than photographer.

Here I am in our car, passing the time with a knitting project:

On the Southwest Chief 11/23/11

Yes indeed, the window is on the right side of the shot, the door on the left. It's a narrow little room. And yes, its not the most flattering shot ever.

The rest of the morning we lounged in the car, looked out the window, stepped off the train briefly to stretch our legs in La Junta, CO (a 10 or 15 minute stop), and played with all the toys we brought with us. In addition to my knitting, I also brought a couple of e-books on the Kindle and the how-to book I also received with my new camera.

Train travel is not very fast. At times, we crawled along at 10mph or less, and at other times, it seemed we went up to about 70mph. I was surprised by this, having only had longer-distance experience on the Shinkansen in Japan (upwards of 300mph). The train lurches sideways on the tracks and makes all kinds of weird mechanical noises. I was surprised how much of the time the whistle blows.

Lunch was at 12:30. We were seated with a couple from Michigan who were going to San Diego to visit their son for Thanksgiving and we had a nice conversation with them over our veggie burgers. The  menu was short again, but we were thrilled to see vegetarian choices. Curiously, though, the vegetarian salad of the day, which our booth-mates each ordered, was topped with bacon. Bacon?!?!

Since when is bacon a vegetable?

Probably since Congress acted on the matter.... Ha ha ha ha ha!
(This is a reference to a recent news story that the United States Congress was considering counting pizza as a vegetable on school lunches)

Anyway, lunch was pretty good and we indulged in dessert to top it off. I had the Tiramisu parfait, which was creamy and rich. Husband had the bourbon pecan pie, and said it packed a punch from the bourbon. One of our booth companions had the ice cream, which turned out to be a prepackaged cup of Haagen Dasz.

By the time lunch was done, we realized we only had about 3 hours til our destination. We wanted to see some more of the train so we went down to the lounge car, which was on the opposite end of the dining car.  I pulled out the camera to play a bit.

Here's what much of the landscape looked like. 

We are in northern New Mexico at this time, north of Santa Fe

The lounge car has sideways facing seats, a few bench seats, and larger windows. In the shot above, you can see the reflection of the windows behind me. There are several tables with bench seats for snacking or playing cards or games.  It was not crowded. 

Looking down the lounge car

Snack cafe is on the lower level

We sat for a while, but ultimately decided we liked our little berth better. We could take our shoes off and stretch out. I understand a lot of the coach passengers sleep in this car.

In another 90 minutes, we were pulling into Albuquerque. About 10 minutes before you arrive, they warn you that the next stop is coming, and they tell you how long the stop will be. Some stops you can get out (and smoke, if you need to) and some stops are just to drop off and pick up. There are a few long stops where you have a good 30-45 minutes to wander around, but on our leg of the trip, we got on during a long stop, and we got off at a long stop. In Albuquerque, there were vendors set up ready to sell their goodies to the passengers.

We met our family easily at the train station in Albuquerque. The train station was really quite beautiful, in the middle of town, not too far from University of New Mexico.

Our Thanksgiving with the family was ready to start, officially!

A Ride on the Southwest Chief - Part 1

As I wrote earlier, we went on the Southwest Chief Amtrak train from Kansas City to Albuquerque for Thanksgiving. I have never traveled by train for a long ride before and I learned quite a bit about train travel.

It's a lot of fun... a little magical even.

We reserved the smallest sleeper cabin, called a roomette, and it was tiny. We boarded at Kansas City's Union Station at 10:30 pm. The sleeper cars were in the front of the train, and I'm not sure how many sleeper cars there were. Maybe 4?  We were in the last sleeper car, nearest to the dining car.

It was hard to find the right car. There weren't many employees down by the tracks to point you in the right direction. The cars are marked as "sleeper" (something like Streamliner Sleeper). Your ticket tells you which car and which room you're in. Ours was 6/330 : room 6 in car 330.

We found the car by luck. Our car attendant was Pinky, and she took our tickets and had us wait in the downstairs of the car. She finished up making up our car and then we climbed the narrow spiral staircase to the second floor.

Yes, these cars are two stories. The cars connect to each other on the second floor. The first floor had several rooms (including a big one at the end of the car) three bathrooms and one shower room. There were luggage racks for bulkier items. We only had 2 bags and all of our stuff were in those bags, so we didn't check them or put them on the rack. No security for those bags...but it just didn't seem like a high-risk situation.

You know, like the old days, when people respected each others' property, minded their own business, helped each other, etc.

Up to the room we went! There's an upper bunk and a lower bunk in our tiny little room. We were on the south side of the car. The sliding door is glass, but you have curtains to draw for privacy.  It felt like we were little kids playing house under a large piece of furniture!  We could sit up on the lower bunk. We tucked our possessions where ever we could (not much room at all - we had to be creative) and we were on our way.

I took the upper bunk, where I could not sit up. The front of the room has about 10 inches between the edge of the bunk and the sliding door. After watching The Soup on the iPad, we settled in for sleep.

Plans for Thanksgiving

This year we are going to see dear husband's parents, who live near Albuquerque, NM. It has been 6 years since we went to their place, and I thought they'd enjoy seeing us. They travel to see us much more than we travel to see them - it's high time we went to their place.

This trip, we're doing something different - taking the train! We have tickets on the Southwest Chief Amtrak train for Tuesday, and we will arrive in Albuquerque on Wednesday late afternoon. We reserved a sleeper car, since it is an 18 hour trip and we leave Kansas City at 10:30 pm.

I sure hope it is on time.

I'm excited to try something different in travel. The book "Life's Little Instruction Book" (which was very popular in the early 90s) put the idea in my head to take the train. Then, when we went to the Missouri state fair back in August, we saw that the Southwest Chief line goes from Kansas City to Albuquerque, well, it was meant to be.

18 hours on a train is fun. But 36 hours? Uh, not so much. We're taking a flight back home.

I plan to blog on the experience. I really hope it is fun!!

Birthday 2011

Last Tuesday was my birthday. I did not plan a great celebration - the absence of a card and a present from Mom seemed a bit daunting. In reality, it wasn't bad at all.

I did get one really nice present - a Nikkon 7000 digital camera from my husband. Since I have been blogging for 4 years now, and pictures really help make a blog stand out, I decided it was time to upgrade. I got my original point and shoot digital camera in 2005, so it was definitely time. I told him he could get me a new camera for my birthday.

I have a lot to learn and I'm looking forward to playing with my new "toy." Expect some awesome pictures on my blog...yeah, as soon as I learn how to use it.

I received several cards from family and friends, a sweet little present from my sister, and a carrot cake at work. That day I did go to work and I did go to yoga class. When I got home, there was dinner waiting for me and a Ben and Jerry's ice cream cake. I love ice cream cakes, and this one was just sublime. The top half was a sweet cream/vanilla with chocolate chunks. The bottom half was chocolate brownie chunk.  Rich and creamy.

So, starting the slide towards 50 wasn't all that bad after all. I felt well and a got a little harmless spoilin'. Now back to reality!!

The mood swings, too

Today I'm fine. Go figure.

Maybe the fact that it's Saturday has something to with my mood.

I gave a pint of blood this morning and now I'm working on Bev's quilt. I hope to get the top done today. See my post about seeing Martha Stewart last night, at a book signing event. So exciting!

Discomfort

I am going through a rough time physically. I ache. I sweat. I bloat. I am tired.

It is the joy of perimenopause.

At least that's what I think. I hope it's nothing worse - it could be I guess. How am I to know until its too late? Go get expensive invasive tests, only to be told I am having "normal" menopausal symptoms? Or worse yet, to be told I do have something serious?

My life has been very healthy and I am afraid something will come up. Statistically, my turn is coming round. I am afraid of ovarian cancer and/or colon cancer. 

I try to comfort myself saying that these things don't happen to me, they happen to other people. Historically, that has been true - maybe one day it won't be.  I don't have any evidence that I have these conditions, just ambiguous aches and pains that could be interpreted.

I am besieged by worry. I needed to name my fear to work through it.   That's what motivated my post.

Four years!

Tomorrow marks the fourth anniversary of my humble blog, the Thoughtful Quilter. I think its terrific that it's still around, and it has been so interesting to watch it evolve.  No one really reads it, I don't think... maybe my sister and a few friends I have mentioned it to.

After all, the mundane stuff of someone's life is not really literature.

I don't care. I get my narcissistic musings out and I record my life for posterity. It may not be a monumental life, but it is mine. It's as precious and worthless as anyone's.  That's the mysticism in it.

Change or stability?

I ended up talking with the recruiter. It went alright but they were thinking of me for an analyst position in Nashville, TN.

Tennessee? That's about as likely as me ending up in Kansas.

Oh wait.

I am quite content where I am now, and I have no motivation to change. I do not think I have a future in leadership in my current organization and that's really OK with me. I mean, I'm not being groomed (perhaps I am too old for that) or trained for leadership.

So, if I were to leave my job and relocate, I only would do it for an assistant director position or above. I believe I could do such a job; where I am now, few others think I could.  The higher I go in an organization, the higher the cost to my peace of mind and sanity. For suitable compensation (at many levels), it's worth it to me.

Right now, I'm in a good place. My job diminishes my soul at times, and I get some nice rewards. It's a good paying job.  I make a difference. The job does not stretch my skills to new heights. I get to leave it at the office, mostly.

One thing I've learned in the professional world is to value good colleagues, good work environment, and good energy. I have that now. Why would I want to change, for something as silly as ambition?

The Thoughtful Quilter has a few thoughts...

It has been 2 weeks since I went to NJ to have the second, and final, memorial service for my mother. It went amazingly well, it was a wonderful thing to do, it was great to see old friends from the past, etc etc but it cast a gray cloud over everything again. It's not as bad as the first time, thankfully, but it's feeling like I regressed.

This is normal and I understand that, but I don't really like it.

For the first time since Mom died, I have really felt a longing to talk with her. I feel a tension or discomfort that is soothed by comforting patterns from my past. But I can't get that comfort, it's over, it's gone.

This journey of grief is slow and plodding. It does remind me that I had a good relationship with Mom and I am so lucky for that.

I sense I am in the process of changing in some way. Not sure what the result will be - it's not intentional as some of my changes have been in the past. It will be curious to see how these next 2-3 years play out.

Now, to state a few things I am thankful for:

• Normal mammogram results
• A good job where I get lots of kudos
• General good health
• Two dogs that are loads of fun

Plant a Row for the Hungry: Wrap Up

Yesterday, I gave my last donation of homegrown produce to Harvester's, our local food bank. As I reported last May (before my life got flipped upside down) I rented a plot in my community garden with the intent of growing food for the hungry. The local foodbank has a program called "Plant a Row for the Hungry," which is a national program/movement/whatever. The idea is that home gardeners plant an extra row of produce to donate.

I have been giving all season. I planted items that the foodbank recommended as good to donate. I had more success with some things than others.

On 10/15, I harvested 15 beets from the plot.

Initially, I planted mustard greens, peppers (banana, jalapeno, bell), parsley, green beans, and zucchini.  Later in the season, I did a second planting of greens, Red Sails lettuce, and beets. I had the most success with the greens, lettuce and beets. Next best were the parsley and banana peppers. The bell peppers really started to produce after the heat of summer was over. I only started getting jalapenos since the end of September.

The green beans and zucchini were a bust. The beans were attacked by some kind of bug that chewed holes in the leaves, and those plants got overwhelmed (buried!) by the giant zucchini plants. The zukes got attacked by vine borers as I knew they would, but I hoped they'd produce before they keeled over. I think I got 4 fruits before a mouse family moved in, and I never saw another zucchini, baby or better.

I did grow some impressive zucchini plants, though.

As you can see, the beets were extremely successful. I have such giddy delight when I harvest!!

Bundled in bunches of five.

Beets are doubly good - you can eat the greens and the roots.

I donated about 20 pounds of fresh produce to Harvesters this season. I hope it went to good use. Next year, I will try to build a team for this project - it was a lot of work on my own and I think I'd feel more accomplished if I could enlist a group to help tend the garden and deliver the produce.

So...

I came back to work to find a message on my voice mail. A recruiter for IT in healthcare. I wonder what job they want me for?  Is it time for a change?

Looking at their website, there's a nursing informatics position in Oregon.

Really, it doesn't suck *that* bad

I was feeling a bit raw when I wrote my previous post. It's really not that bad, and eventually I'll be fine. I'm home now and this time, my flights were perfect. No delays, no bumps, no bad weather. I'm glad to be home and have two happy dogs awaiting my return.

I had a lovely diversion while driving from the Asbury Park area to our hotel near Dulles airport. We popped off the highway to stop at a fabric shop that I had found on the Internet. Read all about it at my crafting blog rikrax.  Now I have some new projects to work on!

Dad seemed OK, a bit lonely, but generally doing alright. I got to visit with my Mom's long time friend at the memorial service. I have lots of thank you letters to write. Nevertheless, I'm really glad to have this weekend behind me. Back to work tomorrow!

A difficult week, by any standard

I want to give witness to this week. It's one of those weeks that seems statistically improbable. It feels unbelievable.

I have been on the east coast for the past 5 days conducting the last events related to my mother's death. She had asked for some of her ashes to be interred at a memorial garden in her former church, back up in the northern NJ church where she still was a member, officially. Mind you, she'd retired to Virginia about 15 years ago. But, she never quite let go of the church, the Presbyterian Church at Franklin Lakes. They have since built a memorial garden for members.  The church was kind enough to allow us to hold a memorial service. We invited the local friends. It was a nice service much like the one back in June, although, this one had more of a Presbyterian focus. We buried one third of her ashes in the garden and planted a purple mum on top.

Afterwards, we had a reception at the church. That also went well. We had too much food, and they were supposed to set up the coffee makers, and they just dropped off a bag of ground coffee. Whoops.  The food was excellent (The Market Basket was the caterer - of course it was top-notch).

One third of her ashes were in Virginia, one third at the church, we had one more portion to take care of. At her request, the last third was to go to the Atlantic ocean.

Next day we took the final third of the ashes to Asbury Park to set free in the ocean. Asbury Park was significant to my mother because she grew up nearby and worked at this beach summers, as a teenager. It was lovely weather, and it was not too hard to find a quiet spot to sprinkle the bag of gray ash into the cool clear waters. 

What was unbelievable was that while we drove to Asbury Park, the vet where our cat was being housed called. Dmitri, our kitty, was not doing well - difficulty breathing with swelling of the tongue and throat. They gave him a shot of cortisone and oxygen. I told them no heroics...after all the cat was 16 years old and had not been doing all that well at home. Forty five minutes later, the vet called back. No improvement; it was likely he had a tumor pressing on his throat. So, I took a deep breath and told the vet that it was time.

So, I buried my mother, I put my cat down in the last few days.  

How shall I top off this wonderful week?

With a mammogram.

Can't get better than that, I tell ya. 

I got away, and I'm back to a mess...

I went to a conference for 4 days last week. It was wonderful - I was away from the normal stresses of life and I could forget about all of it for a while.  I really did! I was not so sad, I ate well, I didn't feel like I wasn't doing enough, I didn't have to go to rehearsals, I didn't have to exercise.  I visited with an old friend who lives near the city where the conference was held.  I had wine. I could think about things on my job freely and creatively. I could read my O Magazine and dream.

I come home and all the stresses are here waiting for me.

Sometimes I hate fall. It's a lovely time of year but everything is crammed into fall. My next post will probably be at Christmas, just because this time of year flies by too fast.

My house is cluttered, the native stone I purchased to do some landscaping with sits in a pile, my mother's memorial service is coming up and my brother and father can't make a decision on their own. There are a dozen cool things to be involved in for my church, my community, and both of my quilt guilds. I think up some awesome ideas to build something of consequence, like a clarinet choir, a professional organization for nurse informaticists, a local user group conference for Epic software.  I'm pressured to join a bell choir. I'm pressured to lose weight. I'm pressured to stay home and watch TV with my husband to maintain my marriage.

I have no doubt I could do any of that stuff.  I am merely overwhelmed with what to do. Jeez, and I don't even have kids to add to the mix.

Be calm.  Breathe. It is not the end of the world if I don't do any of it.

Where I am now...

I am still here and I'm working through the cloud of sadness. This makes it sound like I'm walking around with a grim expression on my face, on the verge of tears all the time. I'm not...in fact I laugh, and I socialize, and I create, and I cook, and all those normal things. It just takes a bit more energy to do every little thing, and that wears me out by the end of the day.

I had made a resolution to start going back to the gym in September. It has been so dreadfully hot here and I was exhausted, and there was yard work. I found a lot of comfort sitting stupid in front of the TV. Having new episodes of Burn Notice and Project Runway available made it that much more comfortable.

I started following The Free Motion Quilting Project blog by Leah Day and I read her series of posts on her sinkhole quilt. I am not alone in depression and a difficult childhood. This I know already...but I found it inspirational and courageous. I appreciated that she shared her issues with the world. Made me want to write a bit today.

Music. It seems odd to me that music would, given my upbringing because I was not raised by musicians. I was not taught to view life through music. Somehow it grew in me. Becoming a singer probably accelerated the process - the clarinet speaks for me in one way, but it's so personal to me when I use the physical instrument.

This past week I purchased The List, a collection of classic heritage music by Rosanne Cash. When she was 18, her father, Johnny Cash, gave her a list of 100 songs that he considered to be essential literature for any American songwriter or musician. It is a collection of country, rhythm and blues, Appalachian, folk, gospel and Southern Blues. She chose 12 songs from this list for the album. She interpreted them anew.

Right now, I am taken by the second track, "Motherless Children." Sure, the connection is obvious. The phrasing is simple, but the words are profound in their simplicity and they resonate with me.

I keep thinking I should write a resource list for the grieving with all I'm learning.

Grieving takes energy

This grieving is so strange. I am exhausted and I have little energy to blog. You'd think blogging just flows naturally as life goes on and you find things to write about.

But it doesn't.

Guilt, self criticism. I should blog more. I haven't written on rikrax, my project blog, in weeks. I have been sewing, but I can't get the energy to take a picture and post it. I guess it's the grieving, the depression, the lack of interest, the feeling of exhaustion at the end of the day.

And this morning, I completely forgot a rehearsal. I just didn't show up...they called and looked for me and I was fresh out of the shower not ready to drop everything and rush to join them. I just told them I wouldn't be there. It's terrible. I take my music very seriously and I don't just skip rehearsals. More guilt.  I have let them down.

I'm trying to be patient with myself, though. They say you're supposed to be scattered and tired early on in mourning a big loss. "Early on," they say, is the first 3 months. It has been seven and a half weeks since Mom died, and to me, it feels like it's been a long time. I should be "back to normal," I think. But by the calendar, I'm barely half way in the first stage of the grief timeline.

It seems like I should be over it by now. Apparently I'm not.

A day of rest

I took Friday (yesterday) off on a whim. This grieving has been exhausting, even though I am not wailing, crying, or feeling frighteningly unstable. Really, I'm OK, but it is taking a bit more emotional energy to get through the day. That's why I wanted a day off.

It was nice. I went to a church-based rummage sale and serendipitously ran into an acquaintance there. It was a pleasant interaction...and I found some nifty little things at the rummage sale to take home. One of them was a book on terrariums - apparently terrariums are "in" again. The book was from 1973, but it still applies.  Anyway, since I drove all the way to the sale, I felt I ought to help the church out a bit and buy a few things.

Then I went shopping at the mall. I don't go to the mall very often and it was pleasant to go again. I was reminded how nice it is to have all the shops right in one place, and not to have to get in and out of a hot car in between.

Next, I picked up my serger from the Bernina shop.  I had purchased my Bernette 334DS at an estate sale, missing a few parts, and I wanted to have it serviced to make sure it is in proper working order. It's in good shape, and I got the parts I needed. Now all I need is to learn how to use it. Fortunately, they have a teacher!

Then I stopped by Target. I had been eyeing a small shelf unit for my sewing room which happened to be on sale this week. I picked up a number of other things we needed.

By the time dear husband came home from work, I had planned a good dinner. I had the time to make something good - I made some stuffed zucchini with fried couscous cakes (something like pancakes) on the side. The meal came out delicious.  Both recipes were from Martha Stewart's Everyday Food magazine. I recently got a free copy of that magazine, and I'm coming to like it.

In the evening, I worked on my hexagon quilt and one of Mom's cross stitch projects, while watching Burn Notice, one of my current favorite shows. I have a huge crush on Michael Westen, the main character. Sure, actor Jeffery Donovan is easy on the eyes, but really, it's Michael that I pine for. (Since he's fictional, this crush is safe.) This season he has slightly longer hair that looks just so sexy...oh my, he just makes my heart aflutter.

In all it was a nurturing day, just what I needed.

What is it like to grieve?

Grieving is a personal process. We all have our own paths through the darkness of grieving when we lose someone we love. I can only talk about my own process, which I will do here, a little. I don't want to wallow in self-pity, but I do want to work through what I need to work through.

I do not feel like there was anything major unresolved between my mother and me. We had come to a comfortable place in the last 10 years or so, able to respect each others differences but still enjoy each other. There are some things I would have liked to ask her, but it's OK that I did not. Knowing the answer would not change who I am.

Still, there are many things that make me sad about her dying. In my naturally selfish way, they are mostly about me.

• I will miss the presents she gave me. It's not the presents themselves that I will miss, it's that she knew me well and thought about me and thought about things I would like. She was very personal in this way. It helped fulfill my need to be known.  My husband does not understand how much presents mean to me....again, not for the present itself, but for the intention and thought put into them. I try to do this for my friends and family. It takes effort...that's why I value it.
• I will miss hearing "Hi Laur!" on the answering machine. I spoke with her about every week. Mostly we talked about nothing in particular - what's going on in her life, my stories from work, the weather, cooking, crafting, gardening, blah blah blah. I don't have another friend I talk with on the phone regularly. Mostly I email, now.
• I will miss visiting her. I will miss how she would cook special things for us when we came to visit. She found vegetarian recipes to try that she saved for when we came.
• I will miss her letters and her packets of clipped coupons. She cut coupons from her newspaper inserts and mailed them to me. There was a time when those coupons really helped, but I haven't needed them for years. I told her she didn't need to cut them any more, but she kept on. It was another way she told me she cared, and I continued to accept that.
• I will miss buying things for her. She also loved to receive stuff. She kept a lot of stuff, but she also did know the value of being thought of. 
• I will miss being connected to the larger family. She was our kin-keeper. I will probably lose touch with everyone on her side of the family ...well, on second thought, maybe not. I have some kin-keeping tendencies. 

According to the books, I can expect about 2 more months of being in the throes of grief. I feel much more stable than the first two weeks. I guess the shock is worn off.

I don't know what is to come, what more I have to deal with.

Right now, I feel like the world is a much more lonely place for me.

Emerging from the pit

I'm posting from my parents home a few hours before I start my trip home. This was a difficult week - yeh, that's an understatement.

• Quick travel plans
• Putting together a memorial service and a reception
• Stress, inability to sleep
• Too hot, too cold in the hotel room
• No appetite
• Sorting through Mom's things
• Taking things to charities for donation
• Brother's birthday
• Bad summer storms
• Power outage
• Getting locked out of the house and how we resolved that (breaking a window, yay)
• Not being able to ship my stuff home
• Worry that my flight may get delayed or canceled
• Worry how the next few months will be

But...good things too. 

• Husband supporting me in amazing ways
• Pretty much all the relatives coming to the service.
• Making it through the service and my part of the service.
• Immediate family supporting each others' decisions.
• Support from my church

Yes, it could have been a lot worse. It could get a lot worse, still, but so far so good.

After cleaning out Mom's house, I have the urge to clean out my own house. All kinds of stuff is tucked away in boxes and drawers and closets, and it would be nice to be a little lighter. I don't know when I'll be ready to work on my quilting and crafting again.

Yet, the house is not done. Some of us need to come back and sort through the china cabinet, storage closets, and the attic. I don't know when I'll come back. I want to be home. 

My Mom Died Today

I found out my Mom died yesterday.

I don't know anything what to do. I live about 1000 miles away, I can't get there. No one I've talked to knows anything - exactly how she died, what she died of, what we will do, if they need me.

I feel like I should be doing something or carrying on; but I'm kind of numb right now. Writing on a blog is kinda the best I can do. I started writing yesterday and finished up early this morning.

Here's the story: and I'm sure I'll tell it a hundred times in the next few weeks. Mom had multiple health problems, and to some extent, we knew she probably didn't have a lot of time left. Personally, I thought it would be a little more drawn out with multiple trips to the hospital and lots of pain.  Mom was 72.

Last night, my brother called, alarmed and worried because he had called (or she had - I'm not sure) and she didn't sound right. She sounded upset. She only talked for a few minutes - and Mom could talk on the phone for hours, usually about nothing. He asked me to call her. I did, and she picked up the phone pretty quickly. She sounded a little off, but there were several logical reasons she could sound this way.

The next day (this morning), she fell and Dad couldn't get her up. They called EMS to help and they got her back up. She did not go to the hospital then, since the fall was minor - Dad says she slid out of a chair.

The day proceeded as normal, according to Dad. She went to take her afternoon nap, which was her habit. When Dad went to wake her up, she didn't wake up. Dad called 911, but it was really too late.

I spoke with Dad later and I guess he's hanging in there as well as possible.

I'm scared. I'm worried. I don't know what it's going to be like without having Mom to talk on the phone to. She was the central figure of our family. Now who will keep the kin?

No, actually I do know how it will be. It's going to be sad and lonely and I'm going to have a big hole in my heart for a long while.

Community Garden - Weekly Update

My plot in the Overland Park Community Garden is planted!  Now we need a little help from God, a little tending from me, and we'll have a nice harvest come August or September.

The garden didn't work out quite as I had planned. It's late in the season here for planting and it was hard to find transplants for the veggies I wanted to grow.  So, I ended up planting:

• 2 green bell peppers
• 2 jalapeno peppers
• 4 sweet banana peppers
• 4 Italian parsley
• 4 green beans (blue lake, bush variety)
• 2 rows of mustard greens
• 4 green summer squash, called Cocozelle (very similar to zucchini)

I put in seeds for the mustard greens and squash. Hopefully they will grow fast and vigorously enough to make up for the lack of starter plants.

Everything went in on June 4, yesterday.

The mustard greens were a last minute substitution for a row of green beans. I could only find 2 pots with nice looking bush bean plants and each of those pots had 2 plants in them. I separated the two plants to make a row.  The greens are from seeds given to me by a friend who is Hmong. She called them "Hmong Mustard Greens." I don't know exactly what variety they are, but I planted some last year and they were very good.

I chose a variety of peppers because I could not find many green bell peppers. It'll be fun to see if I get some banana peppers. I haven't tried them yet.

Additionally, the plot turned out to be slightly larger than 10 feet long. I could fit in six rows, altogether.

The cocozelle squash was a substitution for official zucchini, mainly because it takes only 45 days to harvest, compared to the black beauty zucchini seeds I found at 50 days (or so). Every day counts when you are starting so late!! 

(By the way, I included the links so you could see what the plants look like. I don't have any relationship with these seed/plant vendors - I neither endorse or denounce them and I do not receive any compensation for linking to them.)

Ducks

There is a pair of ducks on my front lawn. You must understand how unusual this is. There is no pond or lake anywhere near my house. Ducks are common in Kansas, but not usually in the middle of suburbia. Very strange.

I tend to attract animals. Lost dogs especially tend to find me.

When I encounter an animal outside of normal or expected context, I look up its symbolism in Native American cultures, on the web. Maybe there is a message for me in the encounter. Ducks (Mallards) represent protection, nurture, introspection. Another site says ducks represent honesty, simplicity, and resourcefulness in Celtic traditions.  I don't know what that means for me.

I told the pair they could stay and they could even nest in our yard if they want. It would be best to stay in the front yard, away from my dogs, though.

Garden Progress

This weekend I was in a picture-taking mood, so here are some photos showing the progress of my humble square foot garden.

The string marks off the square feet. This picture shows a little more than half of the garden. You can see a cucumber sprout in the foreground, then basil to the left. There's Romaine lettuce to the left of that. The next row (right to left) has a Rutgers tomato, then two little soybean sprouts (trying some dwarf soybeans for homegrown edamame). and then a square of carrots. You can plant 16 carrots in one square! The last square in that row is onion, but you can only see the tops.

The following row is a Grape tomato, green leaf lettuce (Jericho), red leaf lettuce (Red Sails), and another square of carrots. The last row is more green leaf lettuce (though you can't really see that square), unplanted, curly parsley, and arugula. I'm planning to put marigolds in the unplanted square. It's nice to have some color in the garden.

So far I've harvested 5 servings of salad greens!

Here's an "art shot" of a cucumber sprout. This was only 1 week after planting the seed in the ground. Then it got cold, and everything kinda stopped.

And here is a closeup of my first few pea pods. I am hoping to harvest a few and eat them before we go away next week. I planted these babies back in March and it took til about 7 days ago to see any flowers. When we get back from vacation, I hope we will have lots of sweet peas to enjoy. 

It takes practice and trial and error to be a good vegetable gardener. I don't know much, but I keep trying things and seeing what works and what doesn't. I think the best decision I made was last year when I decided to dig out all the soil and replace it with the custom mix described in Mel Bartholomew's book Square Foot Gardening. Plants do better in a light friable soil mix. It drains better, and its so much easier to work with.  

Plot Plan

Here's the plan for my community garden plot.

It's 4'x10' and the lines indicate 1 foot or 2 foot intervals.

The garden was approved by the city council on Tuesday this week. The garden manager sent me a soil analysis with recommendations for fertilization - that was awfully nice! I am still planning to work the soil to break it up a bit and work in some organic material to make it more friable. Plants like soil that is easier to push their roots down into.

Small, I know. As Mother Theresa said, "We cannot all do great things, but we can do small things with great love."

Community Garden

Pea Sprout

In my humble blog, I will post a plug for a new community garden.  It may not make any difference, but then again, it might.

Overland Park, KS, where I live, is getting a community garden. For such a progressive community, it is surprising that there isn't one already. However we are a wealthy city, and we tend to think that everyone has a yard and can plant anything they want in their own little slice of heaven. Those that don't have a yard probably don't want to plant a garden - they can just go to our Farmer's Market to buy locally grown produce.

That's a rather shortsighted view, don't you think?

• You mean not everyone's yard is suited to vegetable gardening? 
• You mean some people don't have a yard?
• You mean people in retirement communities or those without enough money to buy a house with a yard all don't want to garden?
• You mean we don't have poverty here? We don't have people who could improve their food security by growing their own?

One of my friends has been working on this project for at least three years. The city council meeting which will approve it will be in about 1 week. They better approve it....

I have rented a space. As my readers (or, should I say, "reader," heh heh) know, I have my own Square Foot Garden in the backyard for my personal use. 

I am renting the community garden plot entirely for charity - my 4'x10' plot will be a project to grow fresh produce for donation. Our local community food bank, Harvesters, participates in the national movement called Plant a Row for the Hungry, and it accepts home grown produce. I am hoping to involve similarly-interested people from my church, but if no one signs up, I'll do it anyway.

I'm not sure what I will grow yet. Harvesters has a web page with suggestions. Because of the timeline of approval and access, it will be a short growing season, so I'm thinking quick growers:

• Green beans
• Peppers
• Zucchini
• Herbs - basil, parsley

The other reason I want to rent a plot is to help the garden succeed. In these initial years, it is important to demonstrate community interest and garden success.

So, here's my shout out to the Overland Park Community Garden. May it become a cornerstone of the community.

My New Friend Martha

I recently got a fancy offer in the mail for Martha Stewart Living magazine. If I sign up, I get a free tote bag and a free subscription to Everyday Food, another Martha Stewart publication.  I took the bait.

I enjoy magazines. I've been an O Magazine subscriber for years and it still delights me. I especially like the articles by Martha Beck and Lisa whats-er-name who "Tells all."  The shopping sections are always lots of fun.  The beauty sections are practical with a spark of glamour. This magazine recognizes that women are mostly thoughtful, intelligent, and spiritual people, but we like to look our best, too. 

For the longest time, when I lived in North Carolina, I studied every issue of Southern Living when it arrived, trying to learn how to be the best southerner I could. Gardening, cooking, vacations, home decor - it has the secrets to living the authentic southern life. A lot of good that does me now, since moving to the midwest. Nevertheless, I keep several great recipes clipped from the magazine that never fail to bring me rave reviews. It wasn't a total waste of time. 

I'm curious why I have been drawn to Martha Stewart, at this point in my life. In the past, I had read her magazines every now and again, and at that time, I found them a bit pretentious. Who has time or desire to hand sew baby shoes, or decorate Ukranian eggs for Easter? Now, for some reason, the magazine speaks to me. I like the crafts section. I like the pets section. The home decor they feature is a not exactly my style, but there are ideas that I can apply in my own way. I kinda enjoy reading Martha's "calendar" for the month, even if it is probably more fiction than real. (...like she turns her own compost pile....as if!). The gardening sections are good too. I really like that this magazine offers downloads from their website to support their stories and crafts. You can download designs they feature in a story, or templates for a craft design. That's nice. 

I'm in a phase where I just want to play and make things.  Dozens of ideas for quilts and craft projects are floating around in my head, waiting to be worked on and made; if I only had the time, I'd be so happy. But I don't - I have a job. And I like my job, so I want to do that, too. 

So what is it about Martha Stewart?  

I don't know, but I know what I like. 

Square Foot Garden

Square Foot Garden, a photo by ava99riley00 on Flickr.

Here is my humble garden, as it's getting started April 2011. The cabbages are hold overs from last fall! I'm not sure they're edible, though. Can you eat cabbage after the flower forms?

Here you can see my two squares of onions, a few sprouts of Red Sails lettuce (lower left) and peas starting to climb in the back. And the bastion of spring gardening: radishes! (mid-right).

Artichokes Afficionados

This morning I joined the artichoke aficionado club by Ocean Mist farm. It's an obscure club.

Aw, heck, it was an ad with the artichoke from the grocery store. They have a sweepstakes for $10,000. Personally, I want second place - a case of field fresh artichokes.

I just love 'em.  ...steamed with a little melted butter or curry mayonnaise. Good eating.

Sublime

I have the opportunity to play in the orchestra for my church's presentation of John Rutter's Requiem. That piece is just sublime in it's beauty. Not only that, it's a delight to sing and relatively easy to play (in the orchestra). I sang it back about 10 years ago and became a Rutter fan. Almost everything I have ever sung of his had been written as if he really knows what's fun to sing.  Certainly, he does...

Participating in music allows me to touch heaven, ever so slightly. I hope I can do it for a long, long time.

Getting ready for guild

Getting ready for guild, a photo by ava99riley00 on Flickr.

Here's the pile of projects going to the guild meeting this month. Most of them are quilting or binding projects. There's a few piecing projects this month, just adding borders.

I try very hard to make the projects look appealing. I believe this is important in order to get people to take the projects home. I make them looks like presents, or roll them up with the pretty pieces top facing outward. No one wants to take an ugly project home!

Hexagon Park - Inner and Middle Borders

Hexagon Park - progress, a photo by ava99riley00 on Flickr.

Looks good, doesn't it?

March

March as been the longest month!  I'm glad it's over...I'm so ready for April and maybe a real spring.

Better...but... at least I'm still sewing.

I'm still not at 100%, so I'm taking it easy for this week as well. At least my brain feels like it's working, again. I have a nasty lingering cough.

Progress...I have made good progress on this top:

Here, it's just laid out for color placement.

It's a neat pattern. It's very forgiving of not-quite 1/4" seams and not quite matching points. The white outlines look good even if they're not all perfectly sized. 

Last night I got the whole top pieced. There's a border to do next. 

A Small Lesson in Compassion

I'm still sick. I managed to drag myself into work yesterday, and I felt pretty bad all day. Time slowed down as I worked at my desk, trying to keep to myself and get something done. I only hope I didn't give it to my coworkers.

Now I'm not even sure I'll be back to normal by Monday!!!

So, being sick all week has reminded me how others may feel, those who get sick more frequently than I do, those with chronic health issues that make them feel spaced out, exhausted, in pain, or dizzy all of the time. Not being able to get adequate rest is another lousy problem. The first two nights my throat was so sore, I could hardly sleep - every swallow or cough woke me up.

One week, whoopee - like that's even close to what many people go through.

Just another reminder to have compassion for others and not to take good health for granted.

PS. I did get to work on some quilting after all.

The flu

I acquired the flu. Most likely, the "infection" my husband had last week was really the flu and he shared it with me.

I have no energy. This is my 3rd day out of work, and they say I shouldn't go back until it's 24 hours after the fever breaks. I still have a fever as of this morning, so it sounds like I shouldn't go back tomorrow. I'm coughing, my through feels like it's on fire, I'm hot then I'm cold, and today I can't talk properly. This totally sucks.

I don't even have the energy to work on any of my quilt projects.

Enough whining for now. Back to my nap.

Charity Day 2011

Usually the guild's charity day is in February. This year it was in March because we got a real, honest to God blizzard on guild day in February. Everything was canceled.

I nearly didn't get to go. I was given the day off conditionally: if The Joint Commission did not come on Monday, I could have Tuesday off. We had a "scare" that they would come on Sunday afternoon. We were summoned to audit charts and give up our Sunday. Only to find out they did not come.

(For those who don't know, The Joint Commission is the main regulatory body in the US that oversees hospitals. They audit all hospitals periodically. The audits are supposedly unannounced, however, hospitals usually have some idea they are going to come.  In this case, our information was not accurate.)

Nevertheless, I got my day off.

I had a lovely day and I think it was a success. We had four project areas: a group that built tops from a common pattern called "Split Decision."Another area worked on strip foundation pieced blocks and making tops out of them. A third group took quilt "sandwiches" and did quilt tying. Others worked on anything they felt like. I did coordination.

I received at least 12 completed quilts for our charity. We have another 6 or 8 that need binding. Several new tops were completed. All of the batting got used up. Several other projects were completed. It was a productive day.

I was glad to be a part of it, and I felt so appreciated by the group. It made me feel even more sad that I will probably have to quit the guild because it is too difficult to get the Tuesdays off every month.

Working out

I started going to the community fitness center one month ago and I am trying to get in the habit of exercising regularly. It's very difficult to acquire this new habit, and I continue to try. Indeed, it has only been a month, but I'm discouraged because I haven't lost any weight at all.

I am expecting too much too soon. I'm not 25 anymore and the pounds are stubborn.  I also haven't changed my eating habits yet. I didn't want to take on too many changes all at once.

I feel a little stronger, and I feel more comfortable being at the gym. I sleep better on the nights after I've worked out. My workout consists of a whole body set of strength training set along with 15 minutes of aerobic activity. It takes me about 45 minutes to 1 hour to complete everything.

The wonders of the iPod. I collected some music in a workout playlist....but found out today it's too short. Well, back to iTunes....

To help track my workouts, I found an app called Gym Buddy. So far it seems to work pretty well for building and recording workouts. I still need to play with to get all the details about the exercises set up just right - I'm not sure how to record a timed exercise, like holding a plank position for so-many seconds. Or, how to record "weight" on a push up - it's my own body weight, reduced a bit because I can only do push ups on my knees.

Back to the music...
Naturally, I Google'd to find suggestions for work out music. Most of the lists I found are all compose of angry screaming rap music. I need lists for geezers - like an upbeat 70s workout mix (Abba!), or an 80s pop mix (Peter Gabriel, Michael Jackson). Even a contemporary mix that isn't rap music would be nice. I can appreciate rap at some level, but it just doesn't do it for me any more than 1950's rock-n-roll, or Elvis, or heavy metal.

The young people seem to enjoy investing their time in curating their song libraries, but I just don't want to spend my time that way. I just want it to *be* there, not work for it. Heck, I even still listen to the radio.

And not XM radio.

Once I come up with a few enjoyable lists, I'll share.

Charity Quilt

Charity Quilt
Originally uploaded by ava99riley00

Look, I have been working on a quilting project!

Tough

It has been a tough time two weeks. We had a major blizzard on Tuesday (and I went to work every day this week, thanks a lot). It caused the guild to cancel the Charity quilt-a-thon day, and I was disappointed because its' my favorite meeting all year. I had done a lot of work preparing for it.

My computer hard drive died over the weekend. I'm back online, $200 and three days later.  The music for my next concert is kicking my ass (it's very hard).  I screwed up a meeting at church (I thought it started at 5:30...no, it was 5:00).

On the good side, I experimented with spray quilt basting for a charity quilt and it worked well.   I quilted it on my machine with good results.

I still haven't finished Ann's quilt. It's all done except the label and I used my dead computer as an excuse. I like to make my labels as a word document that I trace onto muslin. Then I embellish the label and applique it down; that's how it became an excuse.

Once I get the label done, I am free to work on new projects. I am looking forward to that!  I have several ideas for what to do and I can't wait to get started!

Now that I joined...

What am I going to do at the gym?

I'm trying to change my life to incorporate regular exercise. I want to feel more energetic, lose a few pounds and hopefully start a new habit.

I had my first personal training session last Thursday evening and it went well. I was pleasantly sore afterwards  not so bad that I ached.

Today I'm trying a Yoga class. I've done yoga before, and I do a video yoga workout at home occasionally now (*sigh* Rodney Yee - whatta babe). It has been several years since I attended classes regularly. Maybe this will be a good fit. We'll see.

Off to class!

OMG...I joined a gym

I actually joined a gym today. It's the local community center, but hey, it's a start. Next: sign up for a fitness assessment and some personal trainer appointments.

No excuses

I have not finished Ann's quilt, her Christmas Gift. It is down to the binding, which is sewn on, but needs to be whipstitched into place. I refuse to start another project until it's done. Even though I have a new block of the month and a new Jelly Roll, I can't play with anything new.

Vacation that won't be in my top ten list

This past weekend, we got to go on a "free" cruise given to us (and all the other employees) by my husband's company. The stars were not aligned.

The flight was at 6:00 am on Friday.  Got to the cruise ship, no trouble, signed up for some spa treatments and rested for a while. The ship left Miami at about 4:00. By 6:00 I was a mess with seasickness. The ocean was very rough for a few hours; I heard I was not the only one feeling like crap. I just skipped dinner and slept.

Husband was slightly ill the whole time - not with seasickness, but with a cough and cold and stress and whatever else makes him inclined to be sluggish this time of year. Every time he lay down, the coughing started. It was not like I could sleep in the guest room.

We spent way too much money on entertainment; although I did enjoy the spa treatments, yoga class, gambling (Texas Hold 'Em), and exotic beverages.  Nassau in the Bahamas was as seedy as the last time we were there about 10 years ago. We didn't spend much time in town, but even the 2 hours we did wander around the business district was a waste. The food on the cruise was decent. The other people on the cruise were not exactly my kind of crowd. There were a number of beautiful young princes and princesses who looked and acted as if they were on "Jersey Shore." 'nuff said.

To make our return flight, we had to debark in the first group - EARLY! When we got to the airport, our flight was cancelled due to snow. We had to stay another day and we were rebooked on anther EARLY flight the next day, Tuesday. When we got to the airport and checked in, the airline strung us along all day and finally cancelled the flight at 2:00 pm. Fortunately we didn't have to stay another day; instead we booked on a different airline and left at 6:00pm. We arrived in Kansas at about 11:00pm, to lovely 7 degree weather. Then we had to dig out our car.

We didn't bring the cell phones because we were to be out of the country and didn't want to deal with roaming fees. This meant we had no easy way for us to call work or call the kennel where we board the dogs or the vet where we board the cat to let them know we were stuck.

It was simply one hassle after another. We spent way too much money for a "free" vacation. It resulted in too much stress for missing work and being tired and screwing up my schedule.

I tried to keep a positive attitude. However, I didn't find any female pals among husband's coworkers or their spouses. And overall, I had a little too much close proximity with the husband.

It was just not good. I'm glad to be home, and really glad to find my first Block of the Month kit in the mail!!

Kaffe

Quilters know who I'm talking about.

I just signed up for my first block of the month club, by mail.  Kaffe Fassett "Starry Night" Mystery Block of the Month.  Sponsored by Wish Upon a Quilt, a shop in Raleigh, NC.  I'm on their mailing list, since I visited the place about a year ago.

I've never done a block of the month. I haven't used much Kaffe Fassett fabric. I'm stretching my creativity!

Blogging

I start my fourth calendar year as a blogger.

I do not have many projects in mind for 2011. 2010 was a productive year. I finished my Simple Tribute project and I finished a denim quilt for a guild challenge. I entered them both in the show. I got more blocks done on Aunt Millie's garden.  I organized and facilitated many Charity Quilts projects for the guild. I taught some mini seminars at guild. I sold a few hats, and published some original writing on my rikrax blog.

Although, sadly, rikrax is hibernating. My job is too busy to allow me time to do this. I am sad about that.

I would like to work on some modern style quilts this year. I may get more involved in the online quilting community since I must withdraw from guild due to my job. Change involves both loss and gains.

I have a selfish little vacation coming up this weekend in which I can concentrate on me. I think I'll meditate and pray on my future and just listen.